Transcript for World’s Best Dad[]
(Scene: The Botsford residence. A helicopter carrying a giant book flies by in the distance.)
Narrator: It's a summer morning at the Botsfords' and the house is buzzing with activity.
(Cut to Becky, Mr. Botsford, and Bob sitting on the couch doing nothing. Bob falls asleep on Becky's shoulder.)
Narrator: Or not.
(The helicopter with the giant book lands outside the window.)
Becky: (gasps) It's here, it's here!
Mr. Botsford: Hooray! Why, what's here?
(The three go outside. The helicopter drops the book in the backyard, and Becky waves it goodbye.)
Becky: "The World's Biggest Book of World Records". This book is amazing! It lists every world record ever. (opens the book) For example, did you know the record for longest time riding a unicycle is 36 hours?!
Mr. Botsford: 36 hours?! Back in high school, I was pretty good on the old one-wheeler. And the longest I could stay up was seven seconds.
Becky: Ooh, here's a record for the most watermelons balanced on one's head at the same time: 19!
Mr. Botsford: 19 watermelons?! In high school, the most watermelons I could ever balance on my head was five!
Becky: Huh.
Mr. Botsford: (holds up a book with pictures from his youth) I was in a bunch of clubs. Here I am in the Fancy Cooking Club. Ooh, and here I am in the Backwards Alphabet Club. Oh man, look at me in the Stilt-Walking Club. (Bob chitters, impressed.) Yeah, I was good at a lot of silly things back then, but I was never the best in the world. The best in the world... (imagines himself wearing a crown)
Becky: Hey, look! There's a note at the bottom of the page. (clears her throat) "There is currently no world record for unicycling and watermelon balancing at the same time." (gasps) Dad, if you can do those two things separately, maybe you could combine them and get a world record!
Mr. Botsford: I've always wanted a world record! To be the best in the world. The best in the world... (imagines himself with a crown again)
(Scene: The grocery store. Becky and Mr. Botsford are wearing gym clothes and Bob is holding a clipboard.)
Narrator: Later, at the grocery store...
Becky: I'm so excited about being your coach for this world record attempt. With enough practice, I'm sure you're going to be the best!
(Victoria Best and General Smoochington appear from behind an aisle.)
Victoria: Wait a sec. Who's going to be the best?
(They watch as Mr. Botsford and Becky fill their shopping cart with watermelons.)
Mr. Botsford: Huh. To think, just by unicycling while balancing watermelons on my head, I can set a new world record.
Victoria: So Becky's dad is going for a world record? That would make him the best at something, and I'm always the best at every something! I'm Victoria Best!
Becky: So the world record judge will be meeting us in the park in three days.
(Victoria and General Smoochington run past Becky and grab the shopping cart full of watermelons.)
Victoria: Out of my way! Move! Scooch!
Becky: Huh. I feel like I'm missing something here.
Narrator: Oh, you definitely are.
(Scene: The park. A judge and a photographer approach the three while Mr. Botsford is stretching.)
Narrator: Three days later, after lots of hard work and practice...
Judge: In order for your father's attempt to qualify as an official world record, he will have to balance the watermelons on his head while unicycling for five full seconds. Anything less could be pure luck.
(Bob stacks the watermelons on Mr. Botsford's head.)
Becky: Dad, are you in the zone?
Mr. Botsford: I am currently in the zone! Let's do this!
Becky: (hands Mr. Botsford his unicycle) And go!
(The judge starts the timer, and Mr. Botsford starts unicycling.)
Becky: Okay, dad, find your groove.
Mr. Botsford: I found my groove! I am in the groove! This is my groove! Oh no. (falls to the ground)
Becky: Ow!
Judge: (stops the timer) Seven seconds. Tim Botsford, I declare you to be the world's greatest unicycling watermelon balancer. (He gives Mr. Botsford a plaque, and the photographer takes a picture.)
Becky: You did it, dad! You're the best in the world!
Mr. Botsford: The best in the world! The best in the world. (imagines himself wearing a crown again)
(Victoria unicycles onto the scene. General Smoochington is following her, carrying an armful of watermelons)
Victoria: Is he the best, or am I the best?!
Becky: Victoria?
Mr. Botsford: Hey, she has a unicycle just like mine. (pause) Wait a minute.
Victoria: You might want to start your watch again, Mr. Judge. And then you might want to find a chair, because we're gonna be here a while.
Becky: Victoria, what is going on?
(General Smoochington puts the watermelons on Victoria's head, and the judge starts the timer.)
Victoria: Isn't it obvious? I'm about to beat your dad's world record for unicycle watermelon balancing.
(A watermelon falls off Victoria's head, and the judge stops the timer.)
Judge: Eight seconds.
Victoria: That's right, eight seconds!
Judge: (takes Mr. Botsford's plaque) I'll be taking that.
Mr. Botsford: But-- Yeah, but--
Judge: Tim Botsford, I hereby declare you to be a non-world record holder. Congratulations, Victoria.
Victoria: Yes! I am the best! (cycles away)
Becky: Ugh! Come on, dad, let's go.
Victoria: Ha! Ha! Ha! (pause) Okay, this is getting boring.
(Scene: The Botsford residence. The newly awoken Becky and Bob walk into the kitchen.)
Narrator: The next morning, back at the Botsfords'...
Becky: (yawns) Morning, dad. What's for breakfast?
Mr. Botsford: Breakfast burritos. I gotta warn you, they probably won't win the world record for best breakfast burritos because the guy who cooked them isn't the best in the world at anything. (gives Becky and Bob their food and sits down sadly at the breakfast table)
Becky: Dad, I'm sorry Victoria took away your world record. (Mr. Botsford sighs.) I think I have just the thing to cheer you up. Bob, a hand here? (Bob chatters and helps her open the record book.) You're so good at so many unusual skills, I bet we can find some other world record combination that nobody has attempted yet.
Mr. Botsford: Becky, I've heard you use the word "combination" a few times, and to be perfectly honest, I have no idea what it means.
Becky: Oh, if you combine things, it means you mix them together, and combining things together makes a combination. For example, this breakfast burrito is a delicious combination of eggs, beans, and cheese all wrapped up in a tortilla.
Mr. Botsford: I see. Thanks for that combination of defining the word and complimenting my cooking. Woohoo! So, what other combinations did you find in your record book?
Becky: (reading) Hmm... Oh, here's one. Nobody has combined blowing bubbles while doing Russian folk dancing with high kicks.
Mr. Botsford: Becky, why stop at one world record? Let's attempt a bunch of combinations!
Becky: Yeah, let's do it!
(Scene: The Best residence. Victoria is also reading a copy of the record book. The judge walks up behind her.)
Narrator: Later, at Victoria Best's house...
Judge: Congratulations, Victoria. Your name's in the back there somewhere.
(Victoria turns a page and sees a picture of herself in the book.)
Victoria: Wait a minute. What's this down here? (points at a picture of a man doing one-finger push-ups while ironing)
Judge: Oh, those are some combination of skills that nobody has tried yet, but I'm told Mr. Botsford will be trying some in the park on Friday.
Victoria: Is that so? Well, I will be trying all of them in the park on Friday, and I will be the best! General Smoochington, let's get to work!
(Scene: The park. The judge is waiting with the photographer. Becky, Mr. Botsford, and Bob are there with a large sack of things. Bob takes out an iron and a shirt.)
Narrator: A few days later, back at the park...
Becky: My dad will be attempting 15 world records today, starting with doing the most one-finger push-ups while simultaneously ironing a sensible button-down shirt.
Judge: Mm... Proceed.
Mr. Botsford: Okay, index finger, let's make history. (sees Victoria walking towards the group with General Smoochington carrying an equally large sack of things and gasps) Victoria! She's back!
Victoria: Oh, hi. Am I too late to win all the combination world records and prove once and for all that I'm the best? May the best me win!
Becky: Ugh! Ignore her, dad.
Mr. Botsford: (Mr. Botsford does a one-finger push-up and screams from exertion) One!
Victoria: (doing one-finger push-ups and ironing) One, two, three, yawn. You can give up whenever you want. Why tire yourself out? (Mr. Botsford groans and collapses.) Plaque, please!
Judge: Victoria Best, by the power vested--
Victoria: (grabs the plaque) Yeah, great speech. Now everyone stand back! I'm about to break another record. Smoochington?
(General Smoochington puts a canvas on an easel.)
Mr. Botsford: (gasps) But I was going to attempt the burlap-sack bounce while painting a self-portrait blindfolded! Come on!
Victoria: I don't know what attempt means, but I'm definitely going to try it.
Becky: The word "attempt" actually means to try, or make an effort to achieve something or finish something. For example, you're going to try, or attempt, to sack bounce while painting a self-portrait blindfolded.
Victoria: I knew what the word "attempt" means. I was just seeing if you knew.
Becky: Yeah, sure you did.
Victoria: And to show you, I'm prepared to attempt all the world records listed in the book that nobody has ever attempted.
Becky: (to the judge) Sir, are there any world record skills that aren't in the book?
Judge: No there are not, and I should know, I'm a judge.
Becky: But what if I made up a new one?
Judge: Hmmm, I suppose I would consider it.
Becky: Okay, what about... baking the world's fastest soufflé?
Judge: It's been done.
Becky: While reciting the alphabet backwards?
Judge: That's been done too.
Becky: While standing on stilts!
Judge: No... Wait, that combination has never been attempted.
Mr. Botsford: (gasps) Becky, remember back in high school, I was the president of the--
Becky: Fancy baking, backwards alphabet, and stilt clubs, I know! You can do this, dad! I'll be right back with the supplies. (walks off with Bob)
Victoria: Oh, this is so unfair! (throws her blindfold to the ground) I didn't think up any new skill combinations, so I didn't practice any! (grabs General Smoochington's face) How can I be the best if I didn't practice?!
Mr. Botsford: (standing on stilts) Let's see. It goes Z, Y, X...
Victoria: Unless, maybe I can get someone to show me how to do it. (takes out her recorder) I won't need to practice at all!
Mr. Botsford: T, S, R, Q, P... (Victoria's recorder music hypnotizes him.) O... Oh-ho-ho!
(Mr. Botsford starts following Victoria away from the park. Bob gestures towards the empty easel and chatters.)
Becky: Oh man. Come on, Bob! Word up!
(Scene: The Best residence. Inside Victoria's room, Mr. Botsford stands on stilts next to Victoria.)
Victoria: Okay, Becky's dad, show me how to cook a soufflé while reciting the alphabet backwards on stilts.
Mr. Botsford: Well, the key to any soufflé is preheating the oven.
(WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face burst in.)
WordGirl: Victoria Best, unhypnotize my da-- (Captain Huggy Face lightly slaps her over the head.) this citizen who is probably somebody's dad right now!
Victoria: Nuh-uh, WordGirl. Not until I've learned his combination skill secrets. (uses her eye beams to lift Mr. Botsford into the air and swing him at WordGirl)
Mr. Botsford: Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T...
WordGirl: Huggy, time for Emergency Plan #2! The old Huggy Face Super Face Hug. (throws Captain Huggy Face at Victoria as Victoria throws Mr. Botsford away)
Victoria: Monkey headed for my face!
(Captain Huggy Face grabs onto Victoria's face, knocking her over.)
Mr. Botsford: C, B, A... (The hypnosis breaks.) Hey, where am I?
Victoria: I give the best hugs, but this is pretty good.
(Scene: The park. General Smoochington is on stilts, cooking a soufflé in a microwave. WordGirl lands with Mr. Botsford, then zooms off and returns as Becky.)
Mr. Botsford: Becky, I don't speak gorilla. What's he saying?
Becky: He's saying, "D, C, B, A."
(The microwave's timer dings, and the judge stops his watch.)
Judge: Only 13 seconds! That's definitely a world record.
(General Smoochington beats his chest in celebration.)
Mr. Botsford: Aw, 13 seconds? There's no way I can do it that quickly.
(General Smoochington grunts and wipes away tears as he accepts his plaque. He then hugs the judge.)
Becky: Now he's saying he's so happy because Victoria never lets him win at anything. It's a very emotional moment for him. (notices that Mr. Botsford is at the verge of crying) Oh, and for you too. I'm sorry, dad.
(Scene: The Botsford residence, early morning. Mr. Botsford is scrambling eggs for breakfast.)
Narrator: The next morning, back at home...
Mr. Botsford: (singing to himself) I'm scrambling eggs! (Becky and Bob sit down at the table.) Good morning, Becky! How did you sleep, kiddo? Hey, do you want eggs on this beautiful, amazing day?
Becky: Oh, yes, please. Wow, you're in a good mood.
Mr. Botsford: Well, I did some thinking and decided that I am incredibly happy. In fact, I may have the world record for world's happiest dad. (gives Becky and Bob their food)
Becky: Aw, thanks, dad. You sure know how to put a good spin on things.
Mr. Botsford: Spin on things. Spin on things... Becky, did you know that I was the president of my high school plate-spinning club?
Becky: No, you never mentioned that one. I bet there's a combination world record that involves plate spinning that nobody has tried yet!
Mr. Botsford: Oh, oh, oh! We could combine plate spinning with bunny hopping!
Becky: Through hoops!
(Mr. Botsford sets up a hoop in the kitchen, grabs Becky and Bob's breakfast plates, and hops towards the hoop while spinning the plates. He jumps through the hoop, getting food everywhere, as Becky cheers.)
Narrator: And so, Becky and her dad spent all week attempting to set a world record, but ended up having a great time together instead. Join us next time for the show that combines awesome action and the world's handsomest narrator you've never seen, on WordGirl.