Transcript for Tell Her What She's Won![]
(Scene: The Botsford residence. Becky and Bob are on the sofa playing checkers. The TV is on.)
Narrator: Today in the Botsford home, Becky and Bob are in the middle of a riveting competition!
Man on TV #1: You're late. You're gonna be fired.
Man on TV #2: Boss, it's not my fault.
(Bob makes a move.)
Becky: Ugh. This is definitely not a riveting competition.
(Bob holds out his hand. Becky gives him the remote and he changes the channel. Sally Botsford comes up to the TV.)
Mrs. Botsford: Ooh! A game show! What's it called?
Becky: It's called "May I Have a Word?". Bob likes it because they have a monkey on it.
(Bob squeaks in agreement. On the show, Seymour Orlando Smooth slides into view.)
Seymour: Well, hello there, game show fans! I'm Seymour Orlando Smooth!
(Bob squeaks in surprise.)
Becky: Seymour Smooth?! He's not the regular emcee! The regular emcee is Beau Handsome!
Seymour: I'm here filling in for that other emcee, who isn't here for a reason that has nothing to do with anything bad I've done.
(Bob squeaks angrily.)
Seymour: And now it's time to play...
Audience: "May I Have a Word?"!
Seymour: Wrong answer! It's time to play "May I Have Your Money?". The game show that asks the question: "May I have your money?"
Contestants: Huh?
(Becky and Bob look at each other, surprised and suspicious.)
Seymour: Now hold up your money! (The contestants do so.) What is the secret word that will make me hap-hap-happy? Contestant number one?
Tommy: Uh, who are you?
Seymour: Incorrect! (grabs Tommy's money)
(Bob squeaks in outrage.)
Becky: You think something's happened to Beau Handsome?
Seymour: I'm sorry! The secret word is "Mine"! (grabs Emily's money as well) You lose!
Mrs. Botsford: I'm not sure I understand the rules, but that Seymour Smooth does have very shiny teeth!
Becky: (gets up from the sofa) Mom, I have to go, er, buy some school supplies. I've been bombarded with homework assignments lately.
Mrs. Botsford: Well, that sounds painful.
Becky: Actually, bombard means when you throw a lot of stuff at someone, like assignments or questions. So Seymour threw a lot of questions at the contestants. He bombarded them with questions. Okay, bye! (runs out the door) Word up! (flies off outside)
Seymour: Now, let's move on to the "What's in Your Pocket?" round.
Mrs. Botsford: This new emcee seems mostly crooked! Maybe that's what emcee stands for! Mostly Crooked! (laughs) Oh, I'm mostly confused. Oh! Maybe I'm an emcee! (laughs) I'm not. I'm not an emcee.
(Scene: The TV studio. Most of the audience members are gone.)
Seymour: See you next time on "May I Have Your Money?"! (laughs) This is your emcee Seymour Orlando Smooth signing off!
(Indistinct audience chatter can be heard as Seymour walks off-stage with an evil grin. WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face zooms in front of him.)
WordGirl: Excuse me. I have some questions to ask you, Mr. Smooth.
Seymour: Excuse ME. I'm the emcee here. I'll ask the questions. And my first question is: (gasps) What's that? (points)
WordGirl: Huh? (She and Captain Huggy Face look behind her. When they turn back, Seymour is gone. She groans in exasperation.) Hmm. Something smells funny. (Captain Huggy Face holds his nose.) I mean, something about this situation smells funny. (Captain Huggy Face squeaks and points at a trail of hair gel on the ground.) Good detecting, Huggy. Maybe this will lead us to Beau Handsome! (starts following the trail)
Narrator: Meanwhile, somewhere in this studio...
(Scene: A dressing room. Beau Handsome is sitting on a footstool, looking at a picture of himself. The sound of footsteps is heard and Seymour's shadow approaches Beau.)
Beau: (sighs) I'm so handsome. (strokes picture) Not one wrinkle. My face is too perfect.
Seymour: You can't stop looking at yourself. You are transfixed by your own image, Beau Handsome, Mr. I-Get-To-Emcee-a-Game-Show-Twice-Every-Day. (shakes in anger before collecting himself) Soon the world will forget about you, and I shall be the greatest emcee in the world! (He sees a picture of himself on the wall and starts stroking it for a second before walking off. After a second, he comes back.) One last look. No! I can't! Yes, I must! No, yes, no, yes, no, yes! Oh, please, Seymour, stop tantalizing yourself! (He finally walks off again, keeping his eyes on the picture.)
(Scene: A flight of stairs. A disgusted WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face follow the trail of hair gel through a panel that leads into a room with similar panels on the walls, all decorated with stars and bright colors. After they've entered it, the panel closes and bright lights start to flash. Music starts playing.)
WordGirl: (has her eyes shut and is covering her ears) Huggy, we're being bombarded with lights and music!
(The panels turn out to be video screens, all of them displaying Seymour Smooth.)
Seymour: Hello! Let's play "Go Away!" The game show that no one wins! Even you, WordGirl!
WordGirl: Is this going to be unfair and totally rigged?
Seymour: No, but it might be unfair and totally rigged. Alrighty! Answer all of these questions at once in the right order!
WordGirl: (optimistically) That doesn't sound unfair and totally rigged!
Seymour: Want to bet? Here are your questions! What organ do you use to see with?
WordGirl: Eye!
Seymour: What's another word for sweet potato?
WordGirl: Yam!
Seymour: What do you make to tie two ropes together?
WordGirl: A knot!
Seymour: What do horses eat?
WordGirl: Hay!
Seymour: What's the opposite of loser?
WordGirl: Winner!
Seymour: Put them all together!
WordGirl: Eye, yam, knot, hay, winner!
Seymour: You're right! You are not a winner! (laughs evilly)
WordGirl: Hey! (She groans in disappointment. Suddenly the room starts spinning around.)
Seymour: I'm so sorry about that! (aside) Not really.
Narrator: It looks like WordGirl lost the game by winning, or did she win by losing?
Seymour: Hey, I'm the emcee here! I'll ask the questions!
Narrator: I, um, I don't really know what emcee means.
WordGirl: Emcee stands for "Master of Ceremonies", the person who hosts an event or TV show and introduces the guests or contestants.
Seymour: Yeah! You'll see! Just watch round two!
Narrator: But we're not the only ones watching! Seymour Smooth is televising this to the world!
(The scene cuts to a variety of viewers, including Mrs. Botsford.)
Mrs. Botsford: This looks like this'll be the best game show ever!
(The scene cuts back to WordGirl, Captain Huggy Face, and Seymour.)
Seymour: Now it's time to move on to exciting round two, where anything can happen! Except you winning, WordGirl! (laughs) It's time to play "Catch All the Cupcakes"!
(Captain Huggy Face squeaks happily. A robot arm appears and grabs WordGirl.)
Seymour: This time, the contestant will be your little monkey friend Captain Huggy Face!
(A large number of cupcakes starts to fall from the ceiling. Cut to Mrs. Botsford.)
Mrs. Botsford: He's being bombarded with cupcakes!
(Captain Huggy Face nimbly manages to eat all the cupcakes as they fall down around him, to Seymour's fury and WordGirl's delight. He sits down on the floor, absolutely stuffed. Suddenly, one last cupcake falls from the ceiling. The captive WordGirl juggles it with her legs, giving Captain Huggy Face time to make it over to her and eat it.)
Seymour: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say, "Catch All the Cupcakes"? I meant, "Don't Catch All the Cupcakes"! You lose! (The robot arm releases WordGirl.)
WordGirl: Hey, that WAS unfair and totally rigged!
Seymour: Told you.
(Captain Huggy Face raises a finger and squeaks.)
WordGirl: But good cupcakes.
Seymour: My mom's recipe. She adds the little nuts. And speaking of a little nuts, this next game's gonna drive you crazy! And now, the hardest test of all: the final round, called "Let Me Show You the Door"! Just choose the right door, and you can leave! Is it... door number one?
(The middle panel turns into a door with the number I on it. The camera zooms in and reveals a panther behind the door.)
Seymour: Door number one?
(The second panel turns into an exact copy of the first door. This one has a polar bear and three crocodiles behind it.)
Seymour: Or door number one?
(The fourth panel turns into a door as well, hiding a very battle-hungry squirrel. Captain Huggy Face starts reaching for one of the doors, but WordGirl stops him.)
WordGirl: We're not going anywhere until we find Beau Handsome, the greatest emcee of them all!
(The panels start showing Seymour again one by one.)
Seymour: Oh, Beau Handsome, Beau Handsome, Beau Handsome! Oh, you think he's so great?! (One of the panels open, and he emerges.) Look at him! (Another panel opens to reveal Beau, still looking at the picture.)
Beau: Wow! I'm handsome!
WordGirl: Mr. Handsome! (He doesn't react. WordGirl tries waving a hand in front of him.) Mr. Handsome?
Beau: Wow. My face is too perfect. (Seymour mouths Beau's words in annoyance.)
WordGirl: (grabs the picture) I'll take that.
Beau: WordGirl, where did you come from? And where am I?
WordGirl: Seymour Smooth has trapped you here and taken over your game show, and he's been bombarding everyone with really unfair questions! I think he may have a bit of emcee envy.
Beau: WordGirl, I think you're absolutely correct! What do we have for her?!
Seymour: I'll tell you what we have for her, Mr. Beau Handsome-But-Not-As-Handsome-As-Me! This! Zing! (blinds WordGirl, Captain Huggy Face, and Beau with his shiny teeth)
Beau: AAH! His teeth! Too... Too shiny! (He shows off his own shining smile)
Seymour: Gah! His teeth! Too... Too... Too shiny! (WordGirl ties up the blinded Seymour with stage decorations.)
WordGirl: Sorry, I've got to ask. Why did you have Mr. Handsome trapped down here?
Seymour: I was jealous that he gets to be on TV twice a day when I am the best emcee in the world! And smoothest!
Beau: You?! I'm a better emcee, and smoother, and handsomer!
Narrator: Too bad today's word isn't modesty...
(Captain Huggy Face squeaks.)
WordGirl: You're right, Captain Huggy Face. There's only one way to settle this! An emcee-off! Emcee to emcee, with me emceeing! That will be fair and square!
Beau: I like square!
Seymour: And I hate fair.
WordGirl: Perfect! It's time for "The Host with the Most"! The game show where two contestants bombard each other with emcee phrases to prove who's the host with the most! There are 15 seconds on the clock. Go!
Beau: Let's meet our players!
Seymour: A brand-new car!
Beau: A year's supply of bubble gum!
Seymour: Good answer!
(Mrs. Botsford is still watching. She falls off the sofa from excitement.)
Beau: Time is running out!
Seymour: Absolutely correct!
Beau: Is that your final answer?
Seymour: Survey says...
Beau: Tell him what he's won!
Seymour: You've won the home version!
Beau: On to the lightning round!
Seymour: And now, uh... (WordGirl looks at him expectantly.) Could we just... Heh... I... I can't stand this game! (A buzzer sounds.)
WordGirl: Sorry, wrong answer!
Beau: Aw, but thanks for being such a good sport!
Seymour: (laughs in disbelief) What?! I can't lose! I'm an emcee, and an emcee always has the right answers!
WordGirl: That's right! And what was that long answer I gave you before?
Seymour: Eye, yam, knot, hay, winner?
Beau: Absolutely right! You're not! Huggy, show our loser what he's won! (Captain Huggy Face reveals three police officers accompanied by cheering and applause.)
WordGirl: You stole money from those kids, and so you've won an all-expense-paid vacation... to jail!
Beau: Enjoy!
Seymour: Beau! You can't let them take me away! After all, aren't we both emcees? (Beau pointedly ignores him.)
WordGirl: Well, Seymour Orlando Smooth, it looks like you won't be back after these messages! (Seymour tries to run away.) Oh, not so fast!
(Seymour kicks in one of the panels and prepares to escape. WordGirl wordlessly pulls a lever, causing Seymour to be buried in cupcakes.)
WordGirl: It's your mother's cupcakes!
Seymour: (pops out of the pile and spits out a cupcake) Well, where are the little nuts?
Beau: Glad you asked! Huggy, show him! (Captain Huggy Face pulls the same lever, burying Seymour in nuts as well.)
(Cut to Mrs. Botsford.)
Mrs. Botsford: I was hoping for the little sprinkles. I like sprinkles. When they're little. (WordGirl can be seen in the background zooming in.)
Becky: Hey, mom!
Mrs. Botsford: Becky, have you done your homework?
Becky: Yup! How about a game of checkers?
Mrs. Botsford: But I thought you were bombarded with assignments.
Becky: I was, but I spent all afternoon working hard and not playing games... much.
Mrs. Botsford: That's nice. But didn't you also say you thought checkers was sort of boring?
Becky: Maybe the old way, but now, here's your emcee Bob! (Bob slides in wearing a wig.)
Mrs. Botsford: Oh! Maybe emcee stands for Monkey Checkers! (laughs)
Becky: Oh, no, mom. I'll explain. See, emcee stands for...
Narrator: And as Becky bombards her mother with definitions, this is your emcee, sort of, reminding you to join us for the next competitive episode of WordGirl!