Transcript for Silence of the Whams

(Scene: The city streets.)

Narrator: It's another uneventful but fairly nice day. There's no rain in the forecast, and temperatures are expected to stay--

(WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face lean in from off screen.)

WordGirl: Uh, would you mind introducing the episode now?

Narrator: Sorry. There's a job as a weatherman opening up on a local news channel, and I thought I'd take the chance to get a little practice in.

WordGirl: Well, there's a time and a place, sir.

Narrator: Okay, okay! (WordGirl moves to fly over the city, with Captain Huggy Face keeping watch from her back.) WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face are patrolling the city when all of a sudden...

Whammer: (in the distance) Wham!

WordGirl: (hearing him) It's the museum, Huggy! Word up!

(Scene: The museum. The Whammer is grabbing glass vases on display.)

Whammer: These vase thingies are whamming! And anything that's whamming belongs to the Whammer!

(WordGirl flies into the room.)

WordGirl: Hold it right there, Whammer! There'll be no whamming while I'm around!

Whammer: No whamming?! Not even a little?! Like this?! (taps his fingers together, releasing shock waves) A-wham-a-wham-a-wham, wham, wham, wham, wham!

(The museum curator precariously balances the vases. WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face are unaffected and unamused.)

WordGirl: No.

Museum Curator: Oh no! These incredibly fragile glass vases are incredibly fragile! Hence the name!

Whammer: Fragile? The Whammer doesn't know what that means. (gestures towards WordGirl)

WordGirl: Fragile means that something can break if you're not really careful. It can fall on the floor and burst.

Whammer: Like this? Ohh! (taps his fingers together, singing) Wham wham wham, wham wham wham!

Museum Curator: Please don't! (The Whammer continues tapping and singing.) Maybe I wasn't clear enough! Maybe I should have called this exhibit "The Incredibly Fragile Incredibly Fragile Glass Vases of the Renaissance, Which Are Really Very Incredibly Fragile"!

Whammer: That would just make the Whammer want to wham more!

(The Whammer prepares to slam his fists together. WordGirl looks around in worry before spotting some bubble wrap. She uses it to form a protective wall between the Whammer and the exhibit.)

Whammer: Bubble wrap? Bubble wrap?! (groans in fear and frustration)

Museum Curator: Oh, thank goodness!

(The Whammer shakes in fear and stares at the bubble wrap, which from his point of view forms a face that grins evilly and growls at him. He screams in fear and runs out of the room. Captain Huggy Face squeaks in confusion.)

WordGirl: You're right, Huggy. The Whammer seemed... scared? (follows the Whammer out of the museum) You can't get off that easily, Whammer! Your whamming days are over!

Whammer: That's just it. The Whammer's whamming days are over. The Whammer has lost his wham!

WordGirl: You've lost your whamming powers? But how did that happen?

Whammer: The Whammer doesn't know. What will the Whammer do now that he can't wham?

WordGirl: This is perfect, Huggy! We can reform the Whammer! Now we can help him do something besides committing crimes!

(Captain Huggy Face squeaks in confusion. The Whammer, sitting in front of the museum, sadly picks up a few blades of grass.)

WordGirl: Whammer, how would you like a job at the grocery store? I happen to know they need a few baggers!

Whammer: And the Whammer could wham all the groceries!

WordGirl: No, no, no. Whammer, remember? You can't wham anymore.

Whammer: Oh. I forgot!

Narrator: And so, WordGirl takes the Whammer to the grocery store under clear skies, with little chance of precipitation in the forecast.

(Scene: The grocery store. The Whammer, wearing a bagger uniform, is in front of a customer with the counter full of groceries.)

Whammer: Now does the Whammer put your groceries in paper or in plastic?

Customer: Why, plastic, you friendly-but-strangely-costumed young man!

Whammer: The Whammer likes this! This is cramming! (crams all of the groceries into a plastic bag)

Customer: Stop! You're crushing my eggs!

Whammer: The Whammer can't stop! No! (laughs) Now the Whammer will be the Crammer! Cram, cram, cram, cram! (singing) The Crammer loves to cram! He loves to, loves to cram! Cram, cram, cram, cram! (accidentally punches a bottle of dishwashing liquid, releasing a stream of bubbles) Cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cramming!

Customer: Oh no! My dishwashing liquid has burst, and now bubbles are going everywhere! Wowie kazowie. Look at all the bubbles.

(The Whammer freezes up in fear and screams. Once again, he imagines them forming an evil face. He grabs another customer's shopping cart and flees out of the store.)

Whammer: NOOOO!

(WordGirl shows up behind him and follows him.)

WordGirl: What's wrong, Whammer? What happened back there? What scared you?

Whammer: Um... Nothing scares the Crammer, formerly the Whammer. He's just feeling... (long pause) fragile!

(Captain Huggy Face squeaks a question.)

WordGirl: Yeah, Huggy. Fragile can also refer to someone's feelings when they're easily hurt.

Whammer: If the Whammer can't wham and the Crammer can't cram, what can the Whammer Crammer do?

WordGirl: I love that riddle. You know, the county fair is going on. I'll bet we can find you something non-criminal to do there.

Whammer: Yeah!

(Scene: The county fair.)

Narrator: It's sunny, perfect 73 degrees with very little humidity as WordGirl, Captain Huggy Face, and the Whammer arrive at the county fair.

(The Whammer is manning a stand with a large pot of raspberry jam and a pyramid of empty jars.)

WordGirl: Well, Whammer, this seems like a harmless enough job. All you have to do is ladle this jam into that jar!

Whammer: Well, technically it's preserves, but I call it jam, too.

WordGirl: All right!

Whammer: The Whammer, who was temporarily the Crammer, is now the Jammer! (singing) Jamming, jamming, jamming, jamming! Jamming, jamming, jamming!

(The Whammer looks down in the pot and gasps; the hot jam is bubbling. Once again, he imagines an evil face in the bubbles. He screams and runs away.)

WordGirl: (frustrated) He got scared again! (Captain Huggy Face squeaks a suggestion.) No, Huggy. He couldn't be afraid of preserves. (Captain Huggy Face raises a finger.) Or jam.

(The Whammer comes back and sees the evil face in the pot again. He screams and tips the pot over a customer before running away again.)

Whammer: NOOOOO!

(Scene: The beach. Captain Huggy Face is sunbathing while the Whammer is digging holes in the sand.)

Narrator: Temperatures at the beaches are mild with a soft offshore breeze of ten knots.

WordGirl: Well, Whammer-- Um, Jammer-Crammer, it looks like you finally found something you can do.

Whammer: The Jammer, who was the Crammer after he was the Whammer, is now the Clammer!

WordGirl: And there's nothing to be afraid of here!

(The Whammer spots a little boy blowing bubbles. The evil face returns, and he runs away screaming.)

WordGirl: Except for something. Let me think. (thinks back on the events of the episode) First, he ran out of the museum when he saw the bubble wrap. Then he got scared in the grocery store when he saw the bubbles from the dishwashing liquid. Then he ran away at the sight of bubbling jam, and here at the beach when he saw the bubbles--

Whammer: (running by) NOOOOOO!

(Captain Huggy Face squeaks.)

WordGirl: You're right! For some reason, the Whammer is afraid of... bubbles. (snorts) Bubbles. Maybe if we can find out why, we can get him to conquer his fear.

(The Whammer is hiding in a tent of beach gear.)

Female Beachgoer: You're just gonna let that guy take our stuff?!

Male Beachgoer: But I-- I-- I-- (The woman walks off in exasperation.) No, come back!

WordGirl: (lands next to the Whammer) Hey, Whammer. You know, I hate to see you so depressed like this.

Whammer: The Whammer isn't depressed. He's just questioning his entire life now that he can't wham, cram, jam, or clam.

WordGirl: Let me ask you something. When were you first afraid of bub--

Whammer: No! Don't even say it!

WordGirl: Okay, okay! When were you first afraid of, um, well, you-know-what?

Whammer: Oh... The Whammer was very, very young...

(Flashback to the Whammer as a baby. His mother's hand can be seen pouring bubble bath into his bathwater.)

Whammer's Mother: Time for your bath, little Whammer!

Whammer: (slams his hands together, releasing shockwaves) Wham! Wham, wham, wham! (He tries to pop the bubbles with his shockwaves, but they fly out of reach.) Wham, wham! Whammer can't wham bubbles! Wham, wham! (slams his hands together) Whammer can't wham bubbles! The Whammer can't wham bubbles! The Whammer can't wham bubbles!

(Cut back to the present.)

Whammer: The Whammer can't wham bubbles! The Whammer... doesn't like bubbles... (starts crying) Bubbles scary! (sobs and hides behind a beach toy)

(Captain Huggy Face points at something and squeaks.)

WordGirl: Good idea, Huggy! Whammer, look!

Whammer: (looks up) Huh?

(Captain Huggy Face is standing on a beach chair next to the boy blowing bubbles, looking happy.)

WordGirl: Bubbles are fun! There's nothing to be afraid of!

Whammer: (groans) No! Bubbles are scary! Scary! (hides behind the beach toy again)

WordGirl: No! No, they're not! Look! (The boy is blowing bubbles in Captain Huggy Face's face.) They're not hurting Captain Huggy Face at all! Why don't you try it yourself?

Whammer: But... can't wham bubbles!

WordGirl: Sure you can! I mean, some bubbles float away, but every bubble eventually bursts!

Whammer: Um, the Whammer is a little unclear on what bursting is.

WordGirl: Burst means to break open or explode suddenly, like, um, bubbles!

Whammer: Hmm...

(The Whammer carefully approaches the bubbles with WordGirl's help. She guides his hand so he pops one of them with his finger.)

Whammer: The bubbles burst! The Whammer might be open to reassessing his opinion!

WordGirl: See, you don't have to be scared of bubbles!

Whammer: The Whammer doesn't have to be scared of bubbles! (dances around popping bubbles while singing) The Whammer loves bubbles! (The scary face now looks cheerful instead.) He loves them bubbles! Bubbles are so whamming! The whamming bubbles! I love those bubbles and them bubbles love the wham! Wham!

WordGirl: Well, it looks like we've reformed the Whammer! Now he can do any kind of job without being afraid of bubbles! (Captain Huggy Face squeaks.) What do you mean, you don't want to burst my bubble? (Captain Huggy Face squeaks and slams his fists together.) Hmm. I didn't think of that, Huggy. The Whammer might go back to his old whamming ways. Let's go find him.

(WordGirl zooms off, scouting the city for the Whammer with Captain Huggy Face. She hears him in the distance.)

Whammer: Wham! Oh!

WordGirl: Huggy, it's the Whammer! He's pulling another crime!

(Scene: The bubblegum factory.)

Whammer: Wham! Oh!

(The Whammer is revealed to be popping bubblegum bubbles coming out of a machine.)

Whammer: The Whammer loves bubbles now! Wham! (He slams his fists together, creating a shockwave. Then, he grabs two barrels of bubblegum) And now the Whammer will have plenty of bubbles to wham!

(WordGirl shows up and takes a battle stance.)

Whammer: Wham!

(The Whammer creates a shockwave, which WorGirl dodges. Captain Huggy Face points at something.)

WordGirl: You're right! If he likes bubbles so much, let's give him a super bubble!

(WordGirl dodges the Whammer's blasts as Captain Huggy Face pours several bags of bubblegum into his mouth. He starts blowing a bubble.)

WordGirl: Here's a bubble for you to burst, Whammer!

Whammer: The Whammer has just begun to wham! (sends several shockwaves at the two, which fail to pop the giant bubble that Captain Huggy Face is blowing) Wow! That was the whamming-est bubble I ever whammed! (He reaches to pop it and it bursts, covering the three in bubblegum.) Phew! That was whamming! (WordGirl breaks free of the bubblegum, and unsuccessfully tries to shake Captain Huggy Face loose.) The Whammer wants to thank you, WordGirl, for giving him his wham back. You're the Whammer's bestest wham whammer!

(Bob squeaks in appreciation.)

WordGirl: Oh. Thanks?

(The Whammer looks at her with a touched expression as the police carries him away.)

WordGirl: You know what, Huggy? You're my bestest whammer! (laughs)

Narrator: Okay. Thank you, WordGirl, for that on-the-scene report from the bubblegum factory, and now the weather. As a high-pressure system moves in from--

WordGirl: (slaps her forehead) Could you just end the episode, please?

Narrator: Um, okay. Good thing my ego's not fragile. Be sure to tune in for the next bursting-with-entertainment episode of the unbreakable WordGirl!

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