Transcript for One Last Sandwich
(Scene: The prison. The Warden opens Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy's cell and gives him his things in a cardboard box.)
Narrator: Just another beautiful day in the city, and Chuck just got released from prison.
Chuck: (voiceover) You know, it's the same thing over and over. (Chuck walks off sadly with his things. Cut to him in his car. He looks at Ye Olde Fancy Schmancy Jewelry Store, then at his condiment gun.) I think up a crime, a really good one, but somehow WordGirl stops me and sends me to jail. (He sadly drives off and comes to the bank, looking sadly at that too.) Then I get out, and what do I do? Think up another crime and get caught again. (He drives away again.) It's enough already! (Cut to present time; Chuck is talking to the Whammer in an ice cream parlor.) I'm through walking on the wild side. I mean it, I'm done with crime forever!
Whammer: (crying) Whammer is touched by the raw humanity of that story! (eats ice cream) Yeah! (eats some more ice cream) Wait! Whammer has a great idea! Sandwich Head should team up with the Whammer, commit one more crime, then quit! (eats more ice cream)
Chuck: You mean like... (dramatically) one last job?
Whammer: (eating ice cream) What's that?
Chuck: Like, you know, a final crime before I retire.
Whammer: Exactamundo-shmundoriffico! One final crime with the Whammer! One! Last! Job!
Chuck: One last job, then retire in style. (He imagines himself on a tropical island with sandwiches instead of coconuts on the palms. A butler comes up to serve him sandwiches. He returns to reality.) Okay, sure! What could go wrong?
Whammer: Yeah! I mean, nothing! (messily eats more ice cream)
(Scene: The hardware store. Bob looks at a hammer, then takes out a much bigger hammer. He falls over from the weight of it. Meanwhile, Mrs. Botsford is picking out a DIY bookshelf.)
Narrator: Later that day, Becky Botsford, AKA WordGirl, is at the hardware store with her mother, buying supplies for their weekend project.
Mrs. Botsford: Your new bookshelf is gonna be so great, Becky. It has to hold as many books as you can read, sweetie! That way we'll only have to buy... (The camera zooms in on her face.) one... last... bookshelf.
(Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy and the Whammer walk into view, the Whammer carrying a bunch of crowbars. Becky gasps.)
Chuck: Grapple hooks, grapple hooks... Man, it's like you can only find the grapple hooks when you're not looking for them, right?
Whammer: Whammer cannot relate to that observation.
(Becky and Bob angrily follow them without Mrs. Botsford noticing.)
Mrs. Botsford: Oh, Becky! I'm so happy we're here doing this together!
(Becky and Bob walk up to Chuck and the Whammer.)
Becky: Um, excuse me, sirs I don't know. Did I hear you say something about grapple hooks? Why do you need one of those?
Whammer: Because Whammer and Sandwich Man are going to the museum to--
Chuck: To enrich ourselves culturally! Why else would you go to a museum?
Becky: So why do you need crowbars?
(Chuck and the Whammer think for a second.)
Chuck: This is in case the doors to our minds are, you know, jammed shut.
Chuck: Anyway, nice talking to you. (leads the Whammer away)
Becky: They're up to something, Bob. Let's follow them!
(They start to do so. Suddenly, Mrs. Botsford scoots in front of them, carrying supplies.)
Mrs. Botsford: There you are! Let's go! Time to start construction, team!
Becky: Actually, mom, can we just--
Mrs. Botsford: This is gonna be so fun!
(Scene: Chuck's room. There are blueprints, condiment bottles, and stuffed animals on a table. Chuck is holding a pointing stick.)
Chuck: Okay. My final crime is also gonna be my most perfect one: stealing a priceless fossil of man's first sandwich from the museum.
Whammer: Uh, huh?
Chuck: Okay, here's the plan. (points at the different objects) This mayonnaise represents us. The mustard represents the museum guards, and the ketchup represents... ketchup. That's--
Whammer: Whammer don't need no plan! Whammer needs a wham! Yeah! (squeezes ketchup bottle) Totally rhymed it!
Chuck: No! (grabs the ketchup) Committing the perfect crime takes patience, not whamming! You can't lose your cool. That's when things go bad.
Whammer: Message received! (Chuck sighs in relief.) And rejected! WHAAAAAM! (slams his fists together, blowing the contents of the table away)
Chuck: Ah! Shh! Can you try to exercise some self-control, Whammer?!
Whammer: Whammer has no idea who or what you are talking about.
Chuck: When you get worked up, find a way to pacify yourself. Don't wham! Just make yourself feel calm and peaceful. Think you can do that?
Whammer: Yeah! (jumps down on the sofa in lotus position and closes his eyes) Ohhhhhh... (Chuck sighs in frustration and slams his forehead.) Self-control is totally whamming! Whammer's pacified! (leans back)
Chuck: Yeah, okay, all right. That's enough now.
(Scene: The Botsford residence. Mrs. Botsford, Becky, and Bob are in Becky's room with planks, tools, and blueprints strewn about.)
Narrator: While Whammer and Chuck work on their complicated plan, Becky and Mrs. Botsford are working on their complicated bookshelf.
Mrs. Botsford: (reading from the instructions) Hold part B-7-L horizontally and fit into notch K. Got that, Becky? Good.
(Bob squeaks boredly.)
Becky: Chuck and the Whammer were acting really suspicious at the hardware store, Bob. Let's check it out. (He squeaks a protest.) I know, but if we can just sneak away quickly and make sure they're not up to something, I'll be completely pacified. (Bob squeaks a question.) Pacify? Oh. Well, it means calm down. See, I'm a little worked up because I think Whammer and Chuck are committing a crime, but if I find out they're not, it will totally pacify me, and I'll be relaxed enough to enjoy the afternoon.
Mrs. Botsford: Only 19 more steps! (Becky and Bob zoom out of the room behind her back.) Lift nodule P and connect to the edge of...
(Scene: Outside Chuck's house. Chuck and the Whammer are carrying a large bag of equipment.)
Chuck: Okay, let's just do a final check before we go.
(WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face appear in front of them.)
WordGirl: Looks like I caught you red-handed!
Whammer: More like wham-handed! (rubs his fists together) Heeeeere comes the--
Chuck: Whammer, no! Don't you remember what I taught you?
Whammer: Oh, yeah! Something about sandwiches, right?
Chuck: No! The thing I just told you about self-control? It was a great speech!
Whammer: (slaps his forehead) Oh, yeah! Whammer doesn't have to wham! He's in charge of his own destiny, totally pacified. Playing it cool.
Chuck: (tenderly) Good for you.
WordGirl: I'm glad you two are having a moment, but, um, I'm still here to stop you from committing... whatever crime you're committing.
Chuck: Crime?! What crime? I've gone straight, I tell you! That life is behind me now. Can't a guy just mind his own business?
WordGirl: Yeah, with a big bag full of tools for breaking into places?
Chuck: Well, they're from, uh... It's a yard sale, I'm gonna sell them.
WordGirl: Yard sale?! Oh, I don't... Well... We better get back, Huggy. But I have my eye on you! Both of you! (They zoom off.)
Chuck: (sighs and drops the bag) That's it, I'm out. I'm not doing the museum job now. The heat's too hot! Sorry, Whammer, but you're on your own.
Whammer: Hey, wait! Sandwich Dude taught Whammer not to wham! Didn't Whammer do a whamming job with WordGirl?
Chuck: Yes, Whammer, you did very whamming, I mean, well, but I can't get caught again!
Whammer: Whammer and Bread-Head won't get caught! Now let's... (claps his hands for every word) go... get... that... sandwich fossil! Sandwich fossil! Let's get that sandwich fossil!
Chuck: (sighs) Okay, fine! You know, just when I thought I was out, they keep pulling me back in!
(The Whammer, having sat down in Chuck's car, honks the horn.)
(Scene: The Botsford residence, Becky's room. Mrs. Botsford, having made no progress, is still working on the bookshelf as WordGirl speeds by.)
Mrs. Botsford: And the final step is... "Enjoy your brand-new bookshelf!" Oh, that's cute. We will! (She giggles. WordGirl assembles the bookshelf with her super speed behind her back and transforms back into Becky.) Well, let's see how it looks! (She looks behind her. The bookshelf is very incorrectly put together.) Yay, teamwork! (throws herself on the floor in happiness and sees a newspaper) Hey, look at this! A special exhibit at the museum. It's in the paper! (reading aloud) "A rare fossil of man's first sandwich. On display for one day only, this Saturday." That's today!
Becky: Bob, remember at the hardware store when the Whammer started to say something about going to the museum? (Bob squeaks in the affirmative.) That must be the crime Chuck and the Whammer are planning!
Mrs. Botsford: (still reading the newspaper) Ooh! A coupon for salt! (WordGirl takes off outside.)
(Scene: The museum. Chuck and the Whammer are waiting outside in Chuck's car.)
Chuck: Now remember: calmness and precision. Nothing can go wrong! (grabs a grapple hook) Let's do this!
(A security guard is whistling by the museum entrance when he hears something metal fall to the ground. He goes to investigate and sees Chuck unsuccessfully attempting to throw the grapple hook over the wall.)
Security Guard: (whistles) Hey! Are those grapple hooks?! Steve, sound the alarm!
Whammer: Uh-oh! (raises his fists)
Chuck: No, no, Whammer! What about the plan?
Whammer: Whammer's initiating plan B.
Chuck: What's plan B...?
Whammer: (slams his fists together) WHAAAM! (The shockwave knocks the security guard down. The Whammer climbs a lion statue.) Come on! Let's go get that sandwich rock! (jumps off the statue) WHAAAAM! (Chuck stays behind, watching him leave.)
(Scene: Inside the museum. Two patrons are looking at the paintings when they suddenly hear the Whammer in the background.)
Whammer: Wham! Wham! Wham! WHAAAAM! (He breaks through the wall. The patrons run away as he throws shockwaves around.) Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! (Chuck follows him hesitantly.) WHAAAAM!
Chuck: (looks around as he's following the Whammer, then spots the fossil) Wow! Here it is! Man's first sandwich!
Whammer: Yeah! Let's wham it open!
WordGirl: (rises from behind the pedestal) Not so fast! I knew you two were up to no good! Are you guys gonna turn yourself in or put up a fight?!
Whammer: I'll give you a hint! (slams his fists together) WHAAAAM!
WordGirl: (gets knocked back) Whoa!
Chuck: Hey, we were having a conversation!
Whammer: Here's wham number two!
WordGirl: Quick, Huggy! (She and Captain Huggy Face avoid the blast.)
Whammer: (fires more shockwaves after WordGirl) Wham! (WordGirl makes for the ceiling, but gets briefly trapped between various animal models. She avoids the blast just in time.) Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham!
(Captain Huggy Face finds a giant Chinese finger trap. Meanwhile, the Whammer finally gets a hit in on WordGirl. She sees Captain Huggy Face standing behind him with the finger trap.)
WordGirl: Okay! Looks like you got me! Wham away!
Whammer: WordGirl does not tell Whammer when to wham. Nobody tells Whammer when to wham, or not to wham! (Captain Huggy Face sneaks up next to him.) And Whammer wants to wham now! (tries to slam his fists together, only to get them stuck in the finger trap) Oh! Monkey!
WordGirl: Nice work, Huggy!
(Meanwhile, Chuck approaches them with the fossil and fires ketchup from his condiment gun. Captain Huggy Face jumps into WordGirls hands and catches the ketchup with his mouth. Chuck soon runs out of ammo.)
Chuck: Oh, I can't believe it! This was supposed to be my last job, the final crime before I retire!
WordGirl: I doubt that. Final means last, and knowing you, you would have tried another one sooner or later. So, you ready for jail?
Chuck: No! I'll never go back! You hear me?! Never! Never! Never ever, never! (He has another beach fantasy, in which he's stopped from reaching the tropical island by descending prison bars. The butler turns into WordGirl, who laughs evilly.) You hear me? Never! Never! Never ever, never!
WordGirl: Are you sure, Chuck? Because if we leave now, you can make it in time for dinner... (sing-song) Grilled cheese and pickle sandwiches...
Chuck: Okay, let's go! (WordGirl grabs him and delivers him and the Whammer to the Warden. Chuck's voiceover resumes.) And that was it, the one last job I never should have taken. But I've learned my lesson for good this time, and when I get out of here, I'm gonna live my life like a turkey sandwich: plain and simple. (He's revealed to be talking to the Whammer in the cell next to him.) You know, like, not doing any crimes or anything?
Whammer: Tell you the truth, Bread-Man, you lost the Whammer with the whole turkey thing.
Chuck: Okay. What I'm saying is, I'm going straight for good this time!
Whammer: Oh! Okay! How about Chuck and Whammer steal one more thing, then go straight?
Narrator: Well, I guess that wasn't Chuck's final crime after all. But we'll see if some time in prison can help pacify the Whammer.
Narrator: Join us next time for another stupendous, exciting, downright whamming episode of WordGirl!