Transcript for Mr. Big's Dolls and Dollars
(Scene: The Botsford house. Becky and Bob are staring at the television.)
Narrator: Just another typical day in the life of our heroine, Becky Botsf--
(Becky shushes him.)
Becky: Ssh, you’re interrupting the best part of the Pretty Princess, Magical Princess and Sparkling Pony Power Hour!
Becky: It’s a very special episode-- we’re finally going to find out where the nasty Count Cloudy has taken Penelope Pony!
(The TV screen shows Pretty Princess and Count Cloudy.)
Pretty Princess: Where have you hidden Penelope Pony, Count Cloudy?
Count Cloudy: I’ll never tell you!
Pretty Princess: Tell me!
Count Cloudy: Alright fine, I will tell you. And after I tell you, you will finally at long last know where Penelope Pony is hidden!
(The screen cuts to a close-up of Pretty Princess, signalling a commercial break.)
Becky: Aww, no way! Why do they constantly put commercials right at the best part of the show?
(A commercial comes on. A boy is seen throwing toys into a garbage can. Then there is a yellow whoosh, and a WordGirl doll appears in his hands. The voice of Mr. Big can be heard narrating.)
Mr. Big voiceover: Iiiiiiiiit’s Walk-and-Talk WordGirl!
Becky: (with a frown on her face) Walk-and-Talk WordGirl?!
Mr. Big voiceover: Yeah! The doll that walks and talks, just like the real WordGirl!
(A doll that looks like the Butcher approaches the WordGirl doll.)
WordGirl voiceover: (in a robot-like voice) “Stop right there, Butcher! I will use my strategery to defeat you!”
Becky: Strategery? That’s not a word! She should say “strategy”!
Mr. Big voiceover: Some assembly required, extra outfits, equipment and accessories sold se-par-ate-ly.
Becky: That doll is NOTHING like me! I don’t mispronounce words or use poor grammar! I mean, come on!
Narrator: Whoa-ho-ho! Someone’s indignant.
Becky: What kid would want a Walk-and-Talk WordGirl doll that is so clearly not like me?
(The front door opens, and TJ is standing there out of breath, holding a box.)
TJ: It was a battle, but I got one!
(He holds up a Walk-and-Talk WordGirl doll in front of her.)
Becky: Move, TJ, my show’s back on! Move!
TJ: Check it out! It talks just like on the commercial!
WordGirl doll voice: “I want the Walk-and-Talk WordGirl umbrella before it precipitates.”
Becky: Precipitates? Oh please! I would never-- I mean, WordGirl would never use a complicated word when a simple one like “rain” would suffice.
TJ: How would you know?
Becky: Trust me. The doll is wrong. (pushing him away) Would you please move? I’m missing the best part!
(She sees that the credits are rolling.)
Becky: (grabs her head) NO! I missed the ending!
WordGirl doll voice: “I want the Walk-and-Talk WordGirl barbecue set!”
Becky: Ugh. TJ, turn it off!
WordGirl doll voice: “I want the new outfit. Buy me one!”
Becky: Let me see that thing.
(She lifts up the cape, and sees Mr. Big’s emblem on the back of the costume.)
Becky: (reading) “Mr. Big enterprises…”
(TJ grabs the doll back and starts flying it around, leaving the room.)
TJ: Word up!
Becky: Come on, Bob! Let’s get to the bottom of this! Word UP! (She and Bob transform into their uniforms.) THAT’S how it’s done. (take off)
Narrator: Meanwhile, across town in Mr. Big’s penthouse lair…
(Scene: Inside Mr. Big’s office. A wall comes down, covering up the windows and making the room dark.)
Mr. Big: Leslie! Progress report.
(She presses a button that controls a slide projector.)
Leslie: Citizens of the city are going crazy for the Walk-and-Talk WordGirl doll, sir.
(After showing him several pictures of people being excited over the doll, the wall comes back up, uncovering the windows again.)
Mr. Big: The dolls are only the beginning! Every Walk-and-Talk WordGirl doll is implanted with a powerful mind-control device, and once we switch on the mind control, we can use the doll’s voice to make people buy the extra outfits, equipment, and accessories which are sold sep-ar-ate-ly!
Leslie: So when the doll talks--
Mr. Big: People do what the doll tells them to do, and they buy, they buy, they buy buy BUY!
(Behind him, WordGirl flies up to an open window.)
WordGirl: Buy buy buy WHAT, Mr. Big?
Mr. Big: WordGirl! You’re- you’re constantly flying in uninvited! (clears throat and turns to Leslie) Remind me to keep the windows to my skyscraper closed.
Leslie: You got it, Biggie.
Mr. Big: (to WordGIrl) Now, how much have you and Colonel Hairy Face heard?
WordGirl: Just that last part, about the “buy buy buy”.
Mr. Big: (fidgeting) Uh-huh, uh, nothing before that?
WordGirl: No. Why?
Mr. Big: (relieved) Eh, uh, no matter. How can I help you?
WordGirl: I want to know why you’re selling WordGirl dolls. What’s your evil plan?
Mr. Big: (laughing) Evil plan? There’s no evil plan, I’m selling these dolls because you are constantly fighting crime and righting wrongs, and I wanted to… honor that?
(As they are talking, Huggy is standing on top of a stack of WordGirl doll boxes, juggling two dolls while Leslie tries to grab them from him.)
WordGirl: Okay… but the doll is so annoying! It uses words incorrectly, and it has poor grammar. That’s not like me at all.
Mr. Big: No need to be indignant, we’ll take care of it. Leslie, uh, fix the, uh, doll’s words and, uh-- (clears throat) --speech, uh, thing, ASAP.
WordGirl: So there’s really no funny business going on? None of your usual mind control or anything?
Mr. Big: (laughing) WordGirl, you’re so popular that I don’t NEED mind control to sell these dolls.
WordGirl: Hmm. Well, while flattered, I’m not buying it. But I guess there’s nothing illegal going on. You’re off the hook for now, but I’ll be watching you… Constantly!
(She flies over to the window, and Huggy leaps over to her. Several of the boxes fall over, causing many of the dolls to fall onto Leslie.)
WordGirl: Constantly! (She and Huggy alternate between pointing to him and pointing to their eyes. They she takes off.)
Mr. Big: You fell for my lies, WordGirl! Ah, sometimes being evil is just too easy. Initiate mind control! Mwa-ha, mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Wa-ha-ha-ha!
Leslie: I’m on it, Bigsy.
(Here there is a a short montage of scenes showing people under mind control, holding WordGirl dolls. As they hold it, the doll is speaking to them, and they are throwing their money onto a huge pile.)
WordGirl doll voice: “Buy me the WordGirl Mega Humongous Doll House! I want the limited edition gold-plated back scratcher! We want the official WordGirl cruise ship and island play set! We want it now!”
(Mr. Big is then shown holding stacks of cash with joy, then standing on top of the pile and diving into it.) Mr. Big: Ow! Money isn’t as soft as it looks. No matter, Leslie! The mind control is working, and I’m rich, rich, RICH!
Leslie: So, since you have so much money, can I get a raise?
Mr. Big: No.
Leslie: That doesn’t seem fair, considering all I do.
Mr. Big: Oh, don’t be so indignant, I’ve got big plans for this money. All my life I’ve heard it said that “you can’t buy City Hall,” well, I plan to prove everyone wrong by buying City Hall!
Leslie: The expression is, “you can’t fight City Hall.”
Mr. Big: Oh whatever, this mind control doll is making me so rich, I’ll buy City Hall and THEN I’ll fight it! I can do both!
Leslie: Not sure that makes sense, sir.
Mr. Big: Who cares? Soon City Hall will be mine! It will be mine, all mine! Wu-ha-ha-ha-ha, ah-ha-ha-- ow, ow, ice pack-- remind me not to dive into piles of money anymore.
Leslie: Piles of money… no diving.
(Scene: The Botsford house, later that evening. The entire family is in the bathroom brushing their teeth. A row of WordGirl dolls are lined up on the sink in front of them.)
WordGirl doll voice: “Go buy me an official WordGirl toothbrush protector.”
Mr. Botsford: Honey, remind me to go to the store tomorrow and pick up a WordGirl toothbrush protector.
Mrs. Botsford: Good idea, hon! Let’s get two.
TJ: Why not thirty-two? One for each tooth?
(He and the parents raise their hands in victory,)
TJ, Mr. Botsford and Mrs. Botsford: (together) Yay!
Mr. Botsford: Sounds good!
Becky: Uh, aren’t there better things to spend our money on than silly toys and accessories?
WordGirl doll voice: “Buy me the WordGirl remote control pickle jar!”
Mr. Botsford: First thing in the morning!
Mrs. Botsford: Oooh, pick one up for me while you’re at it.
TJ: Oh, pickle one up for me too! (laughs)
Becky: (shouting) Everybody stop! (in a normal voice) Mom, Dad, you’re not acting like yourselves. You’re constantly spending money on frivolous, silly things just because the doll tells you to!
Mr. Botsford: Constantly?
Becky: Yes, constantly. You’re doing it again and again. As in, constantly buying Walk-and-Talk WordGirl accessories.
Mr. Botsford: But honey, this is WordGirl, and WordGirl never lies. If she says we need something, we need it!
Becky: Do you need it, or just want it, Dad? I mean, shouldn’t we be spending our money on more important things like, I don’t know, food?
Mrs. Botsford: Oh, don’t get indignant, honey. What’s so great about “food” anyway? We’re buying the WordGirl tree shaker instead!
Becky: The tree shaker? What does that even do?
TJ: Shakes trees! Trees sold separately.
WordGirl doll voice: “Buy the WordGirl glow-in-the-dark suntan lotion!”
(This time the eyes of the dolls glow green, and the eyes of TJ and Mr. and Mrs. Botsford turn green as well. They start to speak in a monotone.)
Mr. Botsford, Mrs. Botsford and TJ: (together) Glow-in-the-dark suntan lotion.
Becky: Okay, something’s going on here. It’s like the dolls have you under some sort of--
Mr. Botsford, Mrs. Botsford and TJ: (together) Suntan lotion.
Becky: Mind control! Come on, Bob. Time to pay another visit to Mr. Big!
(She looks over at Bob, who is wearing a WordGirl cap and holding a Huggyface doll. She glares at him, and he takes it off. Then she flies off with Bob, right in front of her parents and her brother, who are still under mind control.)
Narrator: Later, back at Mr. Big’s penthouse lair…
(Scene: The balcony of Mr. Big’s penthouse, where his mind control computer sits. He is talking to Leslie when WordGirl and Huggy arrive. They stay out of site, listening in on him.)
Mr. Big: Leslie, when you get a chance, I need you to get these new WordGirl products programmed into the mind control computer.
Leslie: Right away, sir.
Mr. Big: (yawning) I have to get some sleep. Tomorrow morning, I’m buying City Hall! Buying City Hall…
(Once he has left, WordGirl and Huggy walk toward Leslie as she programs the device.)
Leslie: (reading and talking into a microphone) I want the WordGirl speed boat.
WordGirl doll voice: “I want the WordGirl speed boat.”
Leslie: Uh, perfect. Now just ninety-five more to program in.
WordGirl: Hold it right there-- Mr. Big’s assistant.
Leslie: It’s Leslie.
WordGirl: (gasps) So you’ve been using mind control after all!
Leslie: Of course. It’s spelled out in our company’s mission statement. Here.
(She hands her a copy of the company’s mission statement.)
WordGirl: (reading) “We strive to constantly use mind control.” Huh. Well, I’m here to put an end to it!
(Leslie drops the list she was holding, and rips off her outer garments to reveal a martial arts uniform. Huggy waves WordGirl off, and signals for Leslie to come to him. A brief battle ensues, where Huggy tries to attack Leslie but she fends off each of his attacks. Huggy gets an idea, and goes into a meditative state. Leslie jumps at him, but he moves out of the way, causing Leslie to land in a pile of cash.)
Leslie: You’re too late, you know. Mr. Big already has enough money to buy City Hall. And I will be his deputy secretary of communication relations and internal policies relating to governmental bureaucracy. Which is just a fancy way of saying assistant.
WordGirl: You sound pretty indignant.
Leslie: Well, I am mad. Just doesn’t seem fair.
WordGirl: That’s the definition of indignant! You DO know your stuff!
Leslie: Would you mind telling that to my boss?
WordGirl: First things first.
(She gets ready to turn off the computer, but then pauses.)
WordGirl: Hmm… if I turn off the mind control, the citizens will stop buying silly doll accessories, but Mr. Big will still have enough money to buy City Hall. But if I can find a way to get everyone their money back… (looks up and smiles) ...that’s it!
(She talks into the microphone of the computer.)
WordGirl: “I’m defective. Take me back to Mr. Big and demand a full refund right away!”
WordGirl doll voice: “I’m defective. Take me back to Mr. Big and demand a full refund right away!”
WordGirl: (as an aside to the camera) And while you’re at it, why don’t you go play outside? And go read a book!
Narrator: The next morning, on the steps of City Hall…
(Scene: City Hall. The Mayor and Mr. Big are standing on the steps, holding a large check. The mayor is also holding a Walk-and-Talk WordGirl doll, and Mr. Big holds a key to the city in his other hand. A few reporters have gathered to watch.)
Mr. Big: ...And with this check for a truly outrageous amount of money, I, Mr. Big., declare myself to be the official owner of City Hall!
WordGirl doll voice: “I’m defective. Take me back to Mr. Big and demand a full refund right away!”
(The reporters are also holding WordGirl dolls, which say the same thing. Everyone stares at Mr. Big.)
Mr. Big: Uh-oh.
(The Mayor lets go of the check.)
Mr. Big: Uh, I gotta go.
(He runs off and drops the key, and is chased by an angry mob of people carrying WordGirl dolls. He runs to the end of a pier and stops as the crowd closes in on him. WordGirl flies down in front of him.)
Mr. Big: Oh-ho-ho-ho, WordGirl, just in time. Save me!
WordGirl: And why should I save you?
Mr. Big: Well, this is no time to be indignant, just do it!
WordGirl: Not until you refund everyone’s money.
Mr. Big: But if I give everyone their money back, how will I buy City Hall?
WordGirl: Fine. I guess I’ll be going. Good luck with the angry mob.
(She gets ready to leave, and Mr. Big grabs her cape.)
Mr. Big: O- okay, they can have their money-- back.
(The crowd cheers. They throw their WordGirl dolls into the air, and the scene shifts to the park, where kids are playing sports, chasing each other around, see-sawing, and just relaxing.)
Narrator: And so, City Hall is saved from the clutches of Mr. Big. While back in the Botsford living room…
(The scene changes to the Botsford house, where Pretty Princess is on the television.)
Pretty Princess: For the last time, Count Cloudy, where have you taken Penelope Pony?
Count Cloudy: I have taken her to the land of--
(A brief pause, and Becky leans in.)
Count Cloudy: --Sparkletopia!
(Becky stands up and raises her arms in the air. As she does so, she knocks over Bob’s dish of ice cream.)
Becky: I knew it! Yeah! (She does her signature dance, while Bob stares at her angrily.)
Narrator: Oh, it was an accident. Don’t be so indignant!
(Meanwhile, Mr. Botsford is carrying a box filled with WordGirl dolls and accessories to set out for the trash, while TJ watches sadly.)
Narrator: And you out there, audience member… be sure to join us next time for another constantly exciting adventure of-- WordGirl!
(During the closing, TJ grabs one of the WordGirl dolls off of the pile and runs back into the house, while we are left watching the pile of dolls and accessories. The eyes of one of them glow green for a second.)