Transcript for Line Lessons with Lady Redundant Woman

Narrator: It’s lunchtime down at City Hall… speaking of which, (bites into something), mmm, mmm, let’s watch what’s going on.

(Scene: the lunchroom at City Hall. Beatrice Bixby is in line behind two other ladies.)

Beatrice: Hm, let’s see… uh, a healthy lunch will give me the energy I need to show my co-workers that I should be their leader, their supervisor, and their boss!

Narrator: Oh, in case you forgot, Beatrice Bixby is also the notorious villain Lady Redundant Woman, which is why she tends to repeat herself using different words.

Food server: Next.

(Beatrice prepares to tell her what she wants to order, but the Used Car Salesman jumps in front of her.)

Beatrice: Uh, um, excuse me, I think it was my turn.

(He blows a bubble of bubblegum, then puts his hand on her shoulder.)

Used Car Salesman: Oh, how incredibly impolite of me. Did I just cut in front of you? I’ll only be a minute, friend. Thanks. (He points at her and clacks his tongue twice.)

Beatrice: (to herself) He had better not take too long, because I, Beatrice Bixby, am not afraid to, you know, say something.

(The Used Car Salesman gets his food and points at her.)

Used Car Salesman: Thanks!

Beatrice: Sure, no problem. (to herself) What an impolite man!

Food server: Next!

(As Beatrice gets ready to order, the TV announcer Stu Brisket walks in front of her.)

Beatrice: Now, wait just a- a--

Stu Brisket: I have one quick question. Important news business, you know.

Beatrice: Oh-- well, okay. I’ll just wait my turn. Again.

Stu Brisket: You confirm or deny the rumor that City Hall ham sandwiches are delicious?

Food server: Well, we sell oodles of ‘em.

Stu Brisket: Great, I’ll take three. I’m starving.

(Beatrice breathes out sharply and talks to herself again.)

Beatrice: That reporter not only cut in line, he- he interrupted me while I was speaking! That makes me mad, angry and also quite furious, too!

(He gets his sandwiches and starts to walk away,)

Stu Brisket: Comin’ through, comin’ through.please. Excuse me!

Beatrice: Uh! And he didn’t even say thank you! He’s just lucky that my thirty-minute lunch break is only a half hour long, or I’d do something.

(Once again she walks up to the counter and starts to order, but the Mayor steps in front of her.)

Mayor: (reading from cue cards, as usual) Good afternoon! I’m the mayor! And I’m here to order-- (pauses briefly as if confused, then looks up) --lunch! I’d like to officially announce my plans to have-- the usual!

(Beatrice has been getting more and more upset, and throws her tray to the ground. Then her expression softens, and she waves her hand in front of the Mayor.)

Beatrice: Um, excuse me… I believe it was my turn.

Mayor: But it’s twelve-thirty, and I order lunch every day at twelve-thirty!

Beatrice: (to herself) I think I have had just about enough! Bad manners, rudeness, and impolite behavior!

Mayor: Hey, pie!

(The mayor takes the last piece of pie, and walks away.)

Beatrice: That… is… IT!

(She touches her nose, and transforms into Lady Redundant Woman.)

Mayor: Hey, look at you! You’ve changed!

Lady Redundant Woman: Yes! Look, pay heed, and take notice! Because this scary change, this chilling alteration, this terrifying transformation is from people being IMPOLITE to me!

(She grabs the Mayor’s stack of notes, and rips them to shreds.)

Mayor: Hey, you just turned my talking cards into oodles of tiny pieces of litter!

Lady Redundant Woman: Yes! And littering is bad manners! And that’s just the beginning of my plan! I plan to be really impolite to every person, every resident, every citizen of this town! A-ha-ha-ha-- (starts coughing) --well, you get the point, evil laughter.

(She presses her nose repeatedly, making copies of herself.)

Stu Brisket: Just wait until WordGirl hears about this, she’ll stop your plan!

Mayor: How will she find out?

Exposition Guy: I’ll take this one!

(He wipes his mouth with his napkin, then stands up and puts his fists on his hips like a superhero. After a short pause, he begins waving his hands in the air.)

Exposition Guy: He-e-elp!

Narrator: Meanwhile, at the city park, Becky and Bob are learning to skate.

Becky: It’s easy, Bob. Just turn one foot to the side, push forward with it, and you’re off!

(Bob goes flying past her and runs into some bushes. He whimpers.)

Becky: it’s okay! You’re really starting to get it now.

(She hears a distant voice with her super-hearing...someone saying, “Has anyone seen WordGirl?”)

Becky: Uh-oh. Sounds like trouble.

(Bob rolls past her looking very shaky.)

Becky: We better go check it out! Word UP!

(She transforms and grabs Bob. She flies them to the top of a building. Once there, she starts looking around, while Bob/Huggy still struggles with his skates.)

WordGirl: Are you sure you want to wear those right now?

(Huggy chatters.)

WordGirl: Okay, just be careful.

(She looks below her, and sees Exposition Guy surrounded by three of Lady Redundant Woman’s duplicates. One is throwing wadded-up paper at him, another is blowing bubbles in his face, and the third is drinking cola and belching loudly.)

Exposition Guy: He-e-elp!

WordGirl: Hey-- stop that right now, you rude replicas!

Exposition Guy: WordGirl, Lady Redundant Woman is at City Hall, and her copies are running all over town being very impolite!

(One of the replicas belches again, and another hits him with a wad of paper.)

Exposition Guy: See? She didn’t even say excuse me!

WordGirl: Stop being so impolite! All of you!

(She flies down to them with Huggy. Still on roller skates, he runs into them, turning them into paper.)

WordGirl: Great job, Huggy!

Narrator: Back at City Hall, Lady Redundant Woman’s impolite revenge plan continues.

Mayor: Uh, excuse me Miss Lady Redundant Woman, um, are you almost, um, finished with your evil revenge plan, because-- uh, I never ate my lunch and I- I- I’m really hungry.

Lady Redundant Woman: Oh, is this YOUR pie? (She picks it up and holds it in front of him.)

Mayor: Why, yes it is!

Lady Redundant Woman: Well, I’ll have you know, your pie will be eaten--

(She shoves the pie into her mouth.)

Lady Redundant Woman: --gobbled up, and devoured by ME! A-ha-ha-ha-ha!

(As she eats the pie, crumbs fly from her mouth, landing on the mayor.)

Stu Brisket: Yuck! That’s disgusting!

Lady Redundant Woman: Exactly! All part of my clever scheme, my brilliant idea, and my smart plan!

Mayor: Well, uh, I don’t care how great your plan is. As mayor, I want to be on record as being against it!

Stu Brisket: (writing it down) Yes sir!

(Scene: WordGirl flying over the city with Huggy. Huggy is still wearing skates.)

Narrator: As WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face try to get to City Hall, they encounter a city crippled by oodles of Lady Redundant Woman copies. Each as impolite as the next.

(A city bus pulls up to a curb, and a group of duplicate walk into the bus.)

Narrator: At the bus stop, they show no courtesy to fellow passengers.

(The bus pulls away, leaving an elderly woman and a younger man stranded on the sidewalk. After a few seconds, the bus comes back, one of the duplicate kicks off the bus driver, and then it leaves again.)

(Scene: The grocery store.)

Narrator: In the grocery store, they ignore the express lane rules.

(A duplicate is standing at the express lane with a large number of items to check out, while customers wait impatiently behind her.)

Man: Hey, this is the express line, lady! Ten items or less!

(She brings out a large jar.)

Man: A jar of pennies?! That is impolite, baby!

(She glares at him.)

Man: --lady.

(She continues glaring.)

Man: --you.

(Scene: the front yard of the Botsford house. Two duplicates are standing in front with dogs on leashes.)

Narrator: Not even the neighborhood streets are safe from the atrocious manners of Lady Redundant Woman’s copies!

(Mr. Botsford walks up to them carrying a box with a unicorn picture on it.)

Mr. Botsford: Hey, you villains! Get off of my property!

Duplicate 1: The sidewalk isn’t your property! It belongs to the city!

Duplicate 2: Yeah!

Mr. Botsford: Darn it! They’ve got me there.

Narrator: Will WordGirl defeat Lady Redundant Woman’s copies before the city is destroyed by impoliteness?

(A brief pause, as Mr. Botsford looks up in the sky.)

Narrator: (clearing his throat) WordGirl?

(In response to the Narrator's call, WordGirl arrives with Huggy.)

WordGirl: You better believe it!

Mr. Botsford: WordGirl! Thank goodness you’re here.

(WordGirl is shocked to realize that she has landed in front of her own house.)

WordGirl: Dad-- I mean, citizen! What are you doing with that box?

Mr. Botsford: Well WordGirl, these rather impolite ladies made such a traffic jam, I had to walk home from the figurine repair shop.

(As she is talking to her father, Huggy skates past them repeatedly, obviously not in control.)

WordGirl: Figurine repair shop?

Mr. Botsford: Yeah! Like you, my daughter Becky has a pet monkey-- Bob is his name-- anyway, one day he was skating in the house when he fell and chipped the horn off of one of Becky’s unicorns. So we had it fixed!

(He pulls it out of the box to show her. Her eyes light up.)

WordGirl: Angelface! They fixed your horn!

(She leans in to touch it, and he puts it back in the box.)

Mr. Botsford: You know, you ought to go find Lady Redundant Woman and-- I don’t know-- stop her?

WordGirl: Ugh! I’ve been trying to, but, you know, hundreds of evil copies?

Mr. Botsford: Yeah, there’s noodles of them!

WordGirl: Noodles--?

(Suddenly Huggy runs into something, and a bucket of dirt and a shovel fly at her, knocking her in the head.)

WordGirl: Um, not to be difficult, but noodles are food? Oodles means a large quantity of something, like… hundreds of evil copies!

(Another duplicate walks up next to Mr. Botsford, and knocks the box out of his hand. Angelface shatters into many pieces. She gets down on her knees and picks up the pieces.)

WordGirl: That-- was-- Angelface!

(She stands up slowly, fuming.)

WordGirl: Come on, Huggy. Let’s finish this.

(Scene: Back at City Hall. The mayor is on the floor, and Lady Redundant Woman is sitting on his back eating potato chips. More bags of chips are on the floor beneath her, with chips scattered everywhere. Two duplicates are sitting behind her, taking up multiple chairs. The others lunch patrons are watching.)

Mayor: Hey, can I go back to my office now? I have oodles of work to do! Thursdays are my busy day.

Lady Redundant Woman: I don’t care if you have oodles of work to do. Or a lot of work to do. Or even an enormous amount of work to do! You were impolite! And now I’m being impolite!

WordGirl: Not so fast, Lady Redundant Woman!

(WordGirl and Huggy stand by the entrance to the cafeteria. There is a yellow “X” on the floor below her.)

WordGirl: I don’t appreciate when villains take over cities, things can go wrong! Innocent unicorns can get broken!

Lady Redundant Woman: And WordGirls can get TRAPPED!

(She looks down and sees the “X” below her. A large trap falls onto her and Huggy.)

Mayor: Oh, THERE’S the city’s bear trap! And they said we’d never use it! Ha.

WordGirl: Lady Redundant Woman, I demand that you end this now!

Lady Redundant Woman: This will never end! Never! Not until every last person in this city understands the anger, the fury, and the rage I felt when I was treated rudely while waiting in the lunch line!

(She covers her face with her hands, and drops to her knees.)

WordGirl: Really? Is- is THAT what this is all about? You won’t give up until everyone knows what it feels like to be stuck in a line because people are impolite?

Lady Redundant Woman: YES!

WordGirl: Hmm…

(Some of the other customers look on awkwardly.)

WordGirl: Uh, look, I don’t want to seem like I don’t care about your feelings, Lady Redundant Woman, but-- everyone already knows what it feels like to be treated impolitely.

Lady Redundant Woman: What? No, uh-- really??

(The Mayor, the Used Car Salesman, and Stu Brisket all nod.)

WordGirl: Oh yeah, we’ve all felt like that!

Lady Redundant Woman: You have?

Stu Brisket: Sure. Everyone has. We all know what it’s like, and-- and how mad it can make you when people are impolite.

Used Car Salesman: That’s right.

Lady Redundant Woman: It’s just-- I had no idea. But there-- there were oodles and lots and many other impolite things too! HE interrupted me while I was talking--

Stu Brisket: I’m sorry, Lady Redundant Woman.

Lady Redundant Woman: And, HE was snapping his gum when he cut in front of me in line!

Used Car Salesman: I’m sorry. Bad habit.

WordGirl: Yeah, that’s totally impolite.

Lady Redundant Woman: But the worst, the most inconsiderate, and the one who was the most impolite, was the MAYOR!

Mayor: Now, just a minute! As mayor, I would surely notice if I were being impolite! If I knew what the word meant.

WordGirl: Impolite. It means being rude or disrespectful. Like when you do something hurtful or careless to someone… like cutting in line.

Mayor: Hmm. Well, maybe I was impolite. I am very sorry if I was impolite.

Lady Redundant Woman: You are? (pause) Wait, just because he says he’s sorry, I’m supposed to give up?

WordGirl: Would it help if I insisted on you giving up?

Lady Redundant Woman: It might… but I’m still in control, and you’re still trapped, caught, and snared in the city’s bear cage!

Mayor: As Mayor, I never go anywhere without the remote control to the bear cage!

(He pressed a button on the remote, and the cage retracts, freeing WordGirl and Huggy.)

WordGirl: So. Will you let everyone go now?

Lady Redundant Woman: Oh… yes. It appears I have no choice.

(She presses her nose, and the duplicates disappear. First the ones in the cafeteria, then the ones in the bus, and the one at the grocery store. The Grocery Store Manager and the customer behind her in line raise their hands in victory.)

Lady Redundant Woman: Gosh, everyone-- I’m so sorry! I- I was so upset, I ended up being impolite.

Mayor: Well, uh, to make it up to you, I promise you won’t have to wait in a single line at the police station!

(The police sergeant comes up behind her and puts his hand on her shoulder, then leads her off.)

Used Car Salesman: Sorry about-- cutting in line. (Starts to blow a bubble, then stops himself.) And that.

Lady Redundant Woman: Oh-- I’m sorry too.

Stu Brisket: And I hope you enjoy jail.

Lady Redundant Woman: Thanks, you too. I- I- I mean, I will.

Narrator: And so, thanks to WordGirl, Captain Huggy Face, and our kind citizens who showed understanding and compassion in the face of extreme impoliteness, the city is back to the way it was.

(WordGirl looks glum.)

WordGirl: Yeah, you know what would a better ending? If Angelface wasn’t in oodles of pieces.

Mr. Botsford: Um, excuse me, WordGirl?

WordGirl: Yeah?

Mr. Botsford: Here you go.

(He is holding an Angelface figurine. WordGirl runs over and takes it.)

WordGirl: (gasps) Thanks, Da-- uh, Mister?

Mr. Botsford: It’s just like the one I got for my daughter Becky.

WordGirl: Oh, I bet she’ll love it.

Narrator: What a nice ending, you know?

(Huggy, who has been skating around the room, loses control and bumps her, causing the figurine to fly out of her hands and smash on the floor.)

Narrator: Ah-- join us again next time for oodles of thrilling showdowns with impolite villains on--

(The last part of his sentence is muffled. WordGirl, angry at having another figurine broken, chases after Huggy. Huggy ends up running into Mr. Botsford, and WordGirl, unable to stop herself, runs into both of them.)

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