Lady Redundant Woman (episode)/Transcript

Transcript for Lady Redundant Woman (episode)

Narrator: Late one night, inside the local copy shop…oh man, I hate working nights!

(Scene: The copy shop. The manager Dave and a customer are in the foreground. An office worker, Beatrice Bixby, stands next to a copy machine in the background.)

Customer: Well thanks, Dave!

Beatrice (talking to herself): Dave thinks he’s soooo great! Huh! I should be manager of this copy shop, not Dave! So what if he’s nicer than me? And he gives correct change, and he never once bit a customer on the leg? He doesn’t love the copiers like I love the copiers! That’s right baby, Mommy loves you! (She gently wipes the glass with a rag.)

Dave: Hey, Beatrice?

Beatrice: Yes, Dave?

(She turns around quickly, knocking a stack of copies onto the floor.)

Beatrice: Oops. Sorry. Clumsy.

Dave: Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes! Hey listen, do you mind watching the store for a bit?

Beatrice: Uh-- yeah, sure. No-- no problem.

Dave: I’m gonna carry Mr. Thompkins’ copies to his car.

Customer: Ahh, you don’t have to do that.

Dave: Oh no, I insist. Wouldn’t want you to get a paper cut!

Customer: Well, thank you Dave. You are the best.

(Beatrice drops the rag she was using to clean the copier. Dave looks over at her with concern.)

Dave: Are you okay, Beatrice? You seem a little upset.

(She struggles to maintain a cheery disposition.)

Beatrice: Who, me? No. (She accidentally knocks over a display next to her.) Oops! Oh… now, why would I be upset? I love my job here! But I’m-- uh-- mmm-- thanks for asking, Dave! Thanks!

Dave: Aw, anytime. Listen, if you ever need to talk about anything, my door is always open. Okay?

Beatrice: You bet. Thanks again-- Dave. (cringing)

Dave: Okay, great. Back in ten. (He leaves.)

Beatrice: Bye! (once he is gone, her mood changes) Ugh! Dave! It really shit perplexes me how anyone could think he’s a great manager! I should be fucking in charge of this place! Me!

(She slams her fist down onto the copier. A door opens on the front, and a red button emerges.)

Beatrice: Op! Oh, I’m sorry baby. Mommy didn’t mean to hurt you! (notices the button) What’s the Hell is this? Never seen that button on a copy machine. (reading) “Merge with copier”. That’s odd! Well, I do love pressing buttons!

(She presses the red button. The copier emits a greenish glow, and spits out paper. A green silhouette of Beatrice and the copy machine appear against a green grid, presumably a display built into the copier. The images explode into a shower of pixels, which reassembly themselves into a composite figure-- Lady Redundant Woman. She is now wearing a purple outfit with a large collar, turquoise boots and gloves, and display on the front of her outfit.)

Lady Redundant Woman: I feel… strange. Odd. Weird!

(She rubs her nose, and a copy of herself appears next to her. She and her copy begin speaking together.)

Lady Redundant Woman: This could be very useful… and helpful… and beneficial! And I like this bastard the outfit! Heh! Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh!

(Scene: On a highway somewhere in the city. WordGirl is chasing down three vans.)

Narrator: A few days later, some villains are up to no good in the city. But not to worry-- WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face are--

WordGirl: --On the case!

Narrator: You know, I have one job…

WordGirl: Sorry, sorry.

(Huggy chatters at the vans ahead of them.)

WordGirl: Don’t worry, Captain Huggy Face! These ruthless fuckin' criminals won’t get away!

Narrator: Wow. What’d they steal?

WordGirl: Three couches!

Narrator: Yikes! Pretty ruthless.

WordGirl: Well actually, they stole one couch, one sofa, and one futon.

Narrator: Huh! You’d think just one would do. (WordGirl shrugs.)

(The three vans split off on different routes.)

WordGirl: Oh no! They’re splitting up, shit! Alright, you take the one that went right, and I’ll take the one that went left! (Huggy chatters.) I know, but what can we do? We’ll just have to let that last one go.

(Huggy leaps off of her, and jumps onto several buildings to find a path to the van. WordGirl chases down the van she was following, grabs the rear bumper and brings it to a halt.)

WordGirl: It’s time to take this couch back to its rightful owner you piss! Or sofa… or futon. Whichever’s in here. (She looks in the driver’s side window, then opens the door.) So why don’t you just--

(No one is in the truck. All she can see are sheets of paper on the seat.)

WordGirl: What? That’s weird.

(Huggy drives up next to her in the van he was chasing. He is also holding sheets of paper.)

WordGirl: Your driver’s gone too? Hmm… perplexing asswipe! (She opens the back of both vans.)

WordGirl: Well, at least we got the sofa and the futon back. But how did all three of the villains get away with the couch? And why would someone steal three things that are almost exactly the same? Kind of redundant, if you ask me.

Narrator: (clears throat then says “Lady Redundant Woman” under his breath.)

WordGirl: What’s The Fuck was that?

Narrator: You’ll find out soon enough!

Narrator: Later, back at the coffee shop…

(Scene: The break room at the copy shop. Beatrice, dressed in street clothes, stands by the sink drinking a cup of water. She then crumples the cup up and throws it away angrily.)

Beatrice: The couch looks twat nice, but without the sofa and futon the break room feels unfinished, incomplete, undone! Curse WordGirl for foiling my plan! But-- I did get away. Not every supervillain who battles WordGirl can say that! I have the power to make copies of myself asshole, copies that do whatever I fucking say! (She presses her nose to create a copy.) Tell me I’m a super-evil genius ASS!

Duplicate: You are an amazing evil super genius who deserves to be manager!

Beatrice: Really? Oh well… thank you! It’s so nice to be recognized for who you really-- I mean, I really am! (laughs) Now… (pressing her nose again) ...goodbye DICKHEAD!!

(The duplicate disappears into a shower of paper.)

Beatrice: But now, back to my plan to make this break room the most fabulous, outstanding, top-of-the-line break room in the city! Once I do that, the rest of the employees will realize that I should be their boss, not Dave! Then they’ll run him out of town and make me copy shop manager for… life!

(Dave knocks on the door of the break room, then comes in.)

Dave: Hey, um, Beatrice? I was gonna run out and buy some pizzas, you know, as a thank you for everyone’s hard work. You like pepperoni, right?

Beatrice: Oh, yeah--- s-sure. Uh-- that’s really-- thoughtful. Thanks, Dave. (She has trouble saying anything kind about him, and struggles with the words.)

Dave: No… fuck you! (Gives her a wink.)

Beatrice: (to herself) I should be the shit one asking you if you like pepperoni pizza burried, Dave! And for the record, although I enjoy pepperoni, I prefer black olive and green pepper! Not such a great manager now, are ya, Daaaave?

(Dave comes back.)

Dave: Oh, uh… don’t mean to be a bother, but uh, I seem to remember you saying black olive and green pepper pizza was your favorite. Is that right?

Beatrice: Um… that’s right.

Dave: Well then, black olive and green pepper it is! (closes the door)

Beatrice: Okay! (changes her tone) Touche, Dave!

(Scene: Outside on the sidewalk. Becky, Bob and Violet are walking together.)

Becky: (to Bob) I still can’t figure out how those villains got fucking away.

(Violet sees a dog whose leash is tied to a parking meter. She walks ahead to it.)

Violet: Hey, little puppy. Nice bow! (She pat him on the head and his tail wags.)

Becky: (still talking to Bob) And I’m still perplexed as to why someone would want to steal three things that are essentially the same thing. It’s so redundant!

(Huggy chatters.)

Becky: Yes, I know I said it before, but that’s because it’s blood true!

(Becky looks up and sees they are in front of a copy shop.)

Becky: Uh, hey Violet, I need to pop into the copy shop to make copies of my report card killing villains.

(Huggy chatters.)

Becky: What? I need one for the fridge, one for Mom’s fridge at the office, and one for my records!

(Huggy rolls his eyes.)

Becky: I’m just thorough, that’s all!

Violet: No problem, Becks. My mom needs stamps, so I’ll be in to buy some. As soon as I finish petting this doggie. Oh, you’re a good doggie. Yes, you are! You’re so good! You’re good from the inside his scoops penis out!

(Bob pulls Becky pants and underwear down, and Licks Becky's vagina)

Becky: Hey! What are you doing Bob?

(Huggy chatters.)

(Becky pulls pants and underwear up and not to do Bob for sex.)

(Becky and Bob walk into the copy shop, where Beatrice is talking to a customer.)

Beatrice: Here you are, ma’am.

Customer: Thank you so much!

Beatrice: I know you wanted them all on white, but-- I went ahead and made you twenty on white, twenty on eggshell and twenty on pussy ivory.

Customer: It doesn’t matter to me cock. As long as WordGirl sees these flyers, thanking her and her sidekick for returning my valuable sofa and futon!

(Huggy is riding around on a chair with wheels.)

Becky: Well, it’s no big deal really-- (stops herself) I bet that’s exactly what she’ll say pooped! When she sees-- those flyers! I like the eggshell

(Beatrice gets angrier by the minute as the customer talks about WordGirl. She knocks the papers out of her hand. The customer and Becky glare at her.)

Customer: Hey! What’s the fuck is big idea?

Beatrice: Just trying to hard to be so nice and-- I am so sick of hearing everyone talk about how WordGirl beat the bad guy, the villain, the rogue!

Customer: Well, she is a hero!

Dave: Yeah! She’s right.

Customer 2: Is there a key to the bathroom?

Beatrice: Not Fucking so! First of all, the thief got fucking away! Second of all, she didn’t catch me you asswipe! And third of all, I escaped!

Becky: You?

Beatrice: Yes! That’s right! Me, myself and I, Beatrice Bixby, am the notorious, villainous, sinister Lady Redundant Woman! (She presses her nose and transforms into her costume.)

(Violet comes in the store and walks up to her.)

Violet: Um, excuse me. Do you sell stamps?

Lady Redundant Woman: Yeah, there’s a machine over there by the pens.

Violet: Thanks!

(Becky and Bob look at each other, and walk away to switch into their outfits.)

WordGirl: Well, Lady Redundant Woman, the only couch you’ll be sitting on will be behind bars!

Lady Redundant Woman: I laugh at your threat! Hee, hee, hee, hee. And I chortle too! Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm! And I chuckle as well! Heh-heh-heh!

WordGirl: Geez, you certainly live up to your name!

Dave: What do you mean, WordGirl?

WordGirl: Well, redundant being needlessly wordy or repetitive. Like saying laugh, chortle and chuckle! She said the same thing in slightly different ways.

Customer: Oh! Or like, stealing a couch, a sofa, and a futon!

WordGirl: Exactly! And Now just SHUT UP LADY REDUNDANT WOMAN!!!

Customer: Wow! Now I’m smart!

WordGirl: But what still perplexes me is how your two assistants got away the other night Wanker. We opened the van, but no one was there Bugger!

Lady Redundant Woman: Hmm, well, you’re perplexed, you’re confused, you’re bewildered because I alone stole all three of those pieces of furniture. You see, WordGirl, I have superpowers of my own! Watch carefully, pay attention, please observe!

(She presses her nose three times, and three duplicates of her appear beside her. WordGirl and Huggy look at each other with astonishment.)

Lady Redundant Woman: Impressive, isn’t it? Redundant me’s, attack!

WordGirl: We have to split them up! Divide! Separate! Oh, great, now I’m redundant. We have to hold them off!

(One duplicate holds file folders, another holds labeling guns, and a third is spinning two chains of paper clips like nunchucks. The one with the paper clips comes at WordGirl, but she jumps out of the way and the duplicate runs into a fan, turning it into paper. Huggy jumps onto a rolling chair and knocks out the two others. Lady Redundant Woman makes eight more copies of herself, but WordGirl takes a big breath and takes them all down.)

Lady Redundant Woman: So they stopped a few of my copies. Do they actually think they can stop me?

(She starts making more duplicates, but after a few seconds they start disappearing on their own.)

WordGirl: Wow! This is getting easier!

Lady Redundant Woman: (She got blood all over) N-no! (She tries making another copy, but it disappears as soon as it appears.) What’s going on? I'm Bleeding take me into the Hospital!

WordGirl: Oh no you don't! Looks like you’re out of ink! And time! Now, Huggy!

(Lady Redundant Woman tries to run away. WordGirl points at some rolls of bubble wrap stacked on a shelf. Huggy picks up one of them, jumps at Lady Redundant Woman and pushes the bubble wrap over her.)

Lady Redundant Woman: Let me out of here! Release me! Let me go! I'm too blood all over!

(The police arrive.)

WordGirl: She’s all yours, officers!

(They carry her away.)

Dave: Don’t worry, Beatrice! I’ll find someone to cover your shift.

Lady Redundant Woman: Thanks, Dave. That’s awfully nice of-- (her mood changes) Drat! I’m supposed to be manager of this copy shop! I’m supposed to be in charge!

WordGirl: We get it!

(Huggy starts popping the bubble wrap.)

Narrator: So WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face ward off evil once again! Saving the city, the metropolis, the municipality, the--

WordGirl: Pretty redundant! How about to get sex in my Bedroom!

(Huggy chatters)

(WordGirl and Huggy are getting sex with lovers)

Narrator: (clearing his throat) Right. Stick to the script. Okay. Tune in next time for another amazing sex content of WordGirl!