Transcript for Kitty Cat Criminals[]
Narrator: Hey, kids, today's featured words are ornamental and feline.
(Scene: Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy's room.)
Narrator: In the basement lair of Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy...
Chuck: Hyah! (uses his condiment ray to slather mustard on a sandwich)
Butcher: Target turkey slices! (zaps turkey slices onto the sandwich from off-screen)
Chuck: Huh? Gah! Hey, what was that?! (points his condiment ray at the Butcher, who is standing by Chuck's bed)
Butcher: Sorry, sorry! Calm down, calm down. It's just me!
Chuck: The Butcher?! What are you doing here?
Butcher: Oh, well, so I was making this chart the other day of all the other villains I'd teamed up with. (holds up a piece of paper with a drawing of him and arrows pointing to drawings of Dr. Two-Brains and his unnamed henchmen, Kid Potato, Lil' Mittens, Reginald, the Baker and the Candlestick Maker, and Dupey)
Chuck: Oh, nice.
Butcher: Yeah, thanks. And I noticed that you and I had never teamed up.
Chuck: So you rushed right over here to see if I was available? Oh, I'm flattered!
Butcher: Well, more or less. Sort of. Not really.
Chuck: Aww...
Butcher: But anyway, after several other options didn't pan out, then I rushed right over here.
Chuck: Oh!
Butcher: I mean, think about it. With my meat powers and your whole... sandwich thing, we're perfect together! There's no telling how many crimes we'll be able to think up!
Chuck: Yeah!
Butcher: Hey, alright! (holds up his hand) Put it there!
(Chuck tries to high-five the Butcher, but only manages to bat ineffectively before falling over.)
Butcher: You're not good at this.
Chuck: Aww... Oh, let's start thinking of some crimes to come up with!
(Chuck and the Butcher start thinking.)
Narrator: Uh-oh. That sounds like trouble.
(Scene: The Botsford residence.)
Narrator: Meanwhile, in the bedroom of Becky "WordGirl" Botsford...
Becky: (to Bob, hiding something behind her back) Okay, are you ready? (Bob, who is holding a banana with one hand and covering his eyes with the other, squeaks in the affirmative. Becky reveals the object she was hiding: a pink Bedazzler.) Ta-da! (Bob squeaks in confusion.) What is it?! It's a Bejewelerizer! It makes stuff more ornamental! (studs a few rhinestones to Bob's banana) It bejewelerizes them! (Bob points at his banana and squeaks a complaint. Becky ignores him and turns to her WordGirl costume.) Okay, so do you think I should just do the star, or get a little wild and do the whole costume?! (Bob squeaks in confusion.) Well, I do think the whole WordGirl persona could use a little more pizzazz, don't you? So I thought, what better way to do that than to take the WordGirl costume and bejewelerize it?! Make it a little more ornamental! (giggles and starts bejewelerizing the costume, to Bob's horror) Oh, stop worrying. This is going to look great!
(Scene: Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy's room. Chuck and the Butcher are sitting on the couch, looking bored.)
Narrator: Back in Chuck's basement, what started out with such promise has gotten a little, well, mopey.
(The Butcher sighs and facepalms as Chuck grabs a newspaper to read.)
Butcher: I can't believe neither one of us can come up with an original crime with both meat and sandwiches in it.
Chuck: It's a good week to be a cat-based criminal, though. (The Butcher leans over as Chuck reads the newspaper aloud.) "Auction of priceless feline memorabilia". Valuable cat paintings, rare cat statues... Well, I used to be a cat criminal. (shows the Butcher a newspaper clipping)
Butcher: The Handsome Panther? Really?
Chuck: Yes, the Handsome Panther. Once for a couple of days, the whole city feared, (chuckles) and secretly loved, the most charming criminal around: the Handsome Panther!
Butcher: So?
Chuck: So, the timing is right to have the Handsome Panther prowl the city once again! Oh, but that kind of leaves you out, huh?
Butcher: Well, I did have a little kitten as a partner once. (holds up a picture of him cooing over Lil' Mittens)
Chuck: Aw, that's so cute! I got it! What if you dress up like a kitten, call yourself Lil' Mittens, and steal stuff?
Butcher: But where am I gonna get a kitten costume in my size? (Chuck thinks for a moment, then gasps) Ma, where's my sewing machine?!
(Scene: The Botsford residence.)
Becky: Okay, so, are you ready?!
(Inside Becky's room, Bob squeaks in the affirmative while watching TV. Becky zooms in to show off her WordGirl outfit, which is now covered in purple rhinestones.)
WordGirl: Ta-da! What do you think?
(Bob looks at Becky with disinterest before turning back to the TV.)
Woman on TV: How y'all doing? You know who I am, right?
(The TV audience cheers, and Becky looks annoyed.)
Stu Brisket: This is a special news bulletin. (Bob squeaks and points at the TV, and WordGirl joins him in watching.) I'm live at the scene of a daring robbery at the city museum, where two criminals dressed up like felines and calling themselves the Kitty Cat Criminals have just-- Did I read that correctly? The Kitty Cat Criminals? Seriously?
WordGirl: See that, Bob? New costume, new criminals, new adventures! Let's go! (grabs Bob and flies away)
(Scene: The museum. The museum patrons run screaming out the doors as Chuck, wearing his Handsome Panther outfit, jumps down with a cat statuette. The Butcher, now wearing a kitten outfit, gingerly looks out the entrance.)
Chuck: We did it! Yeah! The museum's security was no match for the combined power of the Kitty Cat Criminals! Right, Lil' Mittens?
Butcher: Listen. I'm not feeling totally comfortable in this costume.
(WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face arrive at the scene.)
WordGirl: Hold it right there-- Whoa.
Butcher: Whoa.
Chuck: Whoa.
WordGirl: What?
Butcher: What?
Chuck: What?
WordGirl: Why'd you say "whoa"?
Chuck: Uh, well, no offence, WordGirl, but you're a little, um...
WordGirl: Ornamental?
Chuck: Uh, I have no idea what ornamental means.
WordGirl: Oh, well, "ornamental" means "for decoration". You know, anything that makes something look fancier. Like how all these little jewels make my plain WordGirl costume more ornamental! (Captain Huggy Face slaps his forehead.)
Butcher and Chuck: Oh!
Chuck: So what do you think of our new, uh...
WordGirl: Oh, well, because you're back in your, um...
Chuck: The Handsome Panther! Rawr!
WordGirl: (stares at Chuck for a second) Right... (Captain Huggy Face shrugs.) And the Butcher...
Butcher: I know, I know.
Chuck: Enough talk! Time for the Kitty Cat Criminals to pounce! Rawr! (tries to pounce on WordGirl, but falls to the ground)
WordGirl: Ha, you missed! (She and Captain Huggy Face get balls of yarn thrown at their heads) Ow!
Butcher: Take that, WordG-- (tries to throw another ball of yarn, which gets tangled up with his hand) Gah! (shakes his hand) Yarn!
Chuck: (gets up) You can't match the speed and grace of the Handsome-- (The Butcher accidentally throws his balls of yarn at Chuck, who falls over again.) Oof! Ow.
Butcher: Great! Just great! Now what am I gonna do for a weapon, huh? (looks at his hands, then smiles and shoots bacon at WordGirl, tying her up) Bacon bolos!
WordGirl: (grunts) Hey!
(Captain Huggy Face jumps off WordGirl, only to get blasted by mustard from Chuck's condiment ray, trapping him as well.)
WordGirl: Feline criminals using meat and condiments. It's--
Butcher: Sorry! Surprise.
(Chuck laughs evilly as he and the Butcher abscond with the cat statuette.)
(Scene: The city streets. Chuck and the Butcher are driving away in Chuck's car, which now has a cat head and tail attached to it.)
Chuck: It worked! It totally worked! We did it!
Butcher: Hey, do you think it's cheating that we're cat-based criminals, but we're still using meat- and sandwich-based attacks?
Chuck: Who cares?! We're criminals!
Butcher: Yeah, I guess you got a point.
Chuck: (stops the car) All right! Still a ton of crimes to commit! Yeah!
Butcher: Still no meat or sandwich stuff to steal.
Chuck: We should make a pact right here, right now. (ties the tails of his and the Butcher's costumes together) As long as there are cat valuables in town to be stolen, we'll steal them as... the Kitty Cat Criminals! Rawr! (chuckles)
(A number of cars honk behind the two, revealing that they are holding up traffic.)
(Scene: The sky. WordGirl is flying around with Captain Huggy Face.)
WordGirl: Oh, man. Chuck and the Butcher working together?! Oof! (Captain Huggy Face squeaks a question.) I'm not sure how we're going to stop them. Together they're just too tough, but one at a time... Hmm... Wait! (stops) I think I've got a plan.
(Scene: Edith von Hoosinghaus's house. Edith has a whole shelf full of cat figurines, as well as paintings of cats on the walls.)
Narrator: Later at Edith von Hoosinghaus's house. Is that...
(Chuck and the Butcher run up to the figurines.)
Chuck: Rawr!
Butcher: Shh.
Edith: May I help you, gentlemen?
Chuck: Was that you?
Butcher: I don't think so. Was that you?
Edith: Are you here to steal my priceless porcelain kitty collection?
Chuck: How'd you know?
Butcher: Well, listen, lady--
Edith: They're right over there on that display shelf. The travel case is right below them. (points to a cat-shaped travel case underneath the shelf) It'll make it much easier to carry them out.
Butcher: Oh. Okay! Thank you!
Chuck: She seems nice.
(When Chuck and the Butcher go to get the figurines, Edith activates an alarm.)
Butcher: You know, you might be one of the most pleasant people I've ever--
(WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face arrive at the scene.)
WordGirl: Heya, fellas.
Edith: Silent alarm.
Butcher: Aw, man!
Chuck: Hey, no fair!
WordGirl: Heh. See you guys are sticking with the whole feline thing.
Butcher: Feline?
WordGirl: Yeah, it means "like a cat". Panthers and kittens are both cats, so that means they're both felines, and so are you. (laughs)
Chuck: Hey, I don't know what you're laughing at.
Butcher: Yeah! You look like a disco ball with legs!
(Everyone but WordGirl laughs.)
WordGirl: Hey!
Edith: Your costume is a little bright, dear.
WordGirl: It's ornamental!
Chuck: Rawr! Kitty Cat mustard! (shoots mustard from his condiment ray)
Butcher: (blasts hot dogs out of his hands) Hot dog-- Uh, meow meow?
(WordGirl screams as she, Captain Huggy Face, and Edith are trapped in mustard and hot dogs.)
Edith: Oh my!
Chuck: Yeah! Kitty Cat Criminals victorious again!
WordGirl: So are you guys going to be feline criminals forever?
Chuck: Far as you know, yeah!
WordGirl: Oh, then nevermind. I guess someone else will have to commit the perfect meaty sandwich crime.
Chuck: Wha...?
WordGirl: Oh, it's just that the museum got this amazing artifact in, and it's the bejewelled meatball sandwich of Sabra Cadabra.
Butcher: Meatball...?
Chuck: Sandwich?
WordGirl: Bread made of diamonds! (Chuck gasps.) Meatballs made of rubies!
Chuck: Mmm... That sounds...
Butcher and Chuck: Delicious...
WordGirl: But I guess not the right crime for you guys anymore, right?
(Chuck and the Butcher look at each other, then start to leave.)
Butcher: Right.
Chuck: Of course! Uh, so, see you later, WordGirl. Handsome Panther away! Rawr!
Butcher: Uh, yeah. Meow.
(Scene: Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy's room. The cat statuette is sitting on the table. The Butcher dumps a bagful of cat-related loot on the table. There is a number of cats lying around in the lair. On the wall is a noteboard detailing various cat-related crimes to commit.)
Narrator: Back in the basement lair of Chuck the Evil... Handsome... Panther... something.
Butcher: So, uh, another great feline robbery, right?
Chuck: Yeah! Feline valuables, yep.
Butcher: How about that thing WordGirl said at the end, huh?
Chuck: Oh, about the meatball sandwich? Yeah, crazy! I know!
Butcher: Yeah! I don't want it! No! Still too many cat valuables on the board right there!
Chuck: Yeah, I was thinking that! I was just thinking, uh...
(Chuck and the Butcher look at each other nervously.)
Chuck: So we stealing the stuffed kitties or...?
Butcher: The cutie kitty painting?! That's a... That's a tough one.
Chuck: I know.
Butcher: We should sleep on it!
Chuck: Yes! Great idea! Sleep!
Butcher: I'll go! And I'll sleep! And then I'll come back! (starts to leave)
Chuck: (following the Butcher) In the morning!
Butcher: Yes!
Chuck: Right! (lets the Butcher out) And we'll decide then!
Butcher: Good-bye!
Chuck: Bye!
(Chuck closes the door. A second later, he opens it again, runs out dressed in his normal outfit, and drives away.)
(Scene: The museum. The Butcher, also dressed in his normal outfit, is sneaking around the exhibits.)
Narrator: Later, at the museum...
Butcher: Shh!
Narrator: Sorry.
(The Butcher sneaks up to the meatball sandwich and prepares to grab it. The camera zooms out to reveal that the sandwich is not standing on a podium, but is being held by Captain Huggy Face. The Butcher pokes the sandwich, noticing that it is not made out of jewels. He starts to walk away in disappointment. The lights turn on as WordGirl, also dressed in her normal outfit, flies up behind him.)
WordGirl: Hold it right there, Butcher!
(Captain Huggy Face eats the sandwich and kicks the Butcher in the back, knocking him over.)
Butcher: Hey! You set me up!
WordGirl: That's right, I did! I knew you couldn't keep the feline thing going.
Butcher: Huh. Hey, you got your old costume on!
WordGirl: Yeah, the ornamental one isn't all that great for surprising people. Plus, those little jewels get really itchy.
Butcher: Oh, yeah? Well, that fake cat fur gave me a rash.
(Chuck, carrying a grappling hook, suddenly falls through the ceiling.)
Chuck: Oh, hey, everybody! The roof isn't as strong as it looks. (notices the Butcher and gasps) Butcher?! You're here to steal the jeweled meatball sandwich, aren't you?! How dare you?! I thought we were a team!
Butcher: A team? Oh, I see. And you were on the roof, why?
Chuck: Out for a rooftop stroll?
WordGirl: Well, I hate to break this up--
Butcher: Then don't! Hot dog hullabaloo! (blasts out hot dogs at Chuck)
Chuck: Yeah, mustard, um... (shoots mustard at the Butcher with his condiment ray) I'm firing mustard at you!
(Chuck and the Butcher are both trapped by the other's attack.)
Butcher: Aw, man.
(WordGirl zooms up to them and leans back on the pile of hot dogs trapping Chuck.)
WordGirl: I think we all learned a valuable lesson here. Sometimes when you've got something good that works, you don't have to change it. Right, Huggy? (Captain Huggy Face does not answer.) Huggy? (gasps)
(Captain Huggy Face slides in, having covered his costume in light blue rhinestones.)
WordGirl: Hey, nice! Oooh, shiny...
Narrator: And so, the feline and/or food-based foes are no match for the force of WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face.
(Captain Huggy Face gives a sparkling smile.)
Butcher: Now he looks good bejewelerized!
(Captain Huggy Face grabs one of the hot dogs, dips it in some mustard, and eats it.)
Narrator: Every show could use an ornamental monkey every once in a while. Join us some time in the near future for another slam-pow episode of... WordGirl!