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S1E3a WordGirl pushing horse
"Huggy, I need your help!"

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  • Narrator: It looks like another meeting of the evil villain association. In this room dangerous villains in the city.
  • All: (Overlaping Conversations)
  • Granny May: (Clearing Throat Softly) Yoo-hoo. Uh, excuse me. Um, would everyone kindly take a seat so can we start the meeting? Ahem! Hello? Excuse me? Hey! Supervillains, pay attention and sit down! Thank you. Now, I officially call to order this meeting of evil villains' association. First order of business...
  • The Butcher: I got the first order of business right here.
  • Granny May: What's going on? A cake isn't on the agenda.
  • The Butcher: It is now! Granny May, this is your party.
  • Granny May: For what? It's not my birthday.
  • The Butcher: Well, you've reached the age where it's time for you to retire as a villain.
  • Granny May: Retire?! You've got your nerve. No one tells Granny May when to retire.
  • The Butcher: But--
  • Granny May: How dare you even think of getting rid of me! I'm still sharper than all of you.
  • Dr. Two-Brains: Yeah, go, Granny. Go, Granny, go. I like it! Nicely done. Beautiful needle work. She maybe old, but she's still quite feisty.
  • Granny May: Now, I think it's time to stop all this retirement talk and get on with our meeting unless anyone else has something to say about my age. No? Good.
  • Chuck: Ahem! Can I say something?
  • Granny May: I dare you.
  • The Butcher: Let him speak, Granny May.
  • Chuck: Thank you, Butcher. This Evil Villains' Association "Book of Evil Rules and Villainous Laws," says that a villain must retire when he or she reaches 75 years of age.
  • Granny May: What? It says no such thing. Where does it say that?
  • The Butcher: All right. Ahem. "At Age 75, all villains must retire." Try throwing a net around that.
  • Granny May: What?!
  • Chuck: That's what it says. See? I don't make stuff up at least not when it comes to association rules.
  • Granny May: Let me see that. (Reading Out Loud) Ooh! Aha! You didn't read the small writing at the bottom. "If the retiring villain can capture WordGirl and bring her to the association, the e villain does not have to retire unless they want to."
  • Dr. Two-Brains: Ooh, imagine the crime sprees we could go on if we had WordGirl trapped right here.
  • Chuck: But none of us have ever been able to capture WordGirl.
  • The Butcher: Well, yes, you got a point. Sorry, Granny May. It looks like you'll have to retire.
  • Granny May: But--uh, but I refuse to.
  • (Chuck shows Granny May a Gold-Plated Watch)
  • The Butcher: Here is your gold-plated watch.
  • Villains: (Cheers)
  • Granny May: Yeah? You can keep your watch. Granny May is the only one who tells Granny May when to retire.
  • The Narrator: Later at Granny May's lair...

  • Granny May: Well, she does love words. Maybe she has a favorite book. Ah, that's it! I'll use her favorite book to trap her. (Laughs Sinisterly) WordGirl maybe fiesty, but I've got a lot more years of being feisty on my side.

  • WordGirl: Why the phone call? You never called me before?
  • Granny May: Well, I don't know if you've heard but I was forced to retire from the evil villain association.
  • WordGirl: Really? I didn't know you could retire from being evil.
  • Granny May: Ahem, uh, well, I--I thought since I'm no longer a villain, we could be friendly.
  • WordGirl: (Incredulousy) Oh, really?
  • Granny May: Oh, yes, my dear. We have so much in common.
  • WordGirl: Uh, like what?
  • Granny May: Uh... W-Well, we both females. Ha! Yes! And, well, I just think an old feisty lady like me and a young fiesty girl like you could have a wonderful time together.
  • WordGirl: I'm sorry, Granny May. Thank you for the offer, but we're really busy here today.
  • Granny May: Ohh. Well, right. O-of course. Okay. I'll just sit here alone and rock.
  • WordGirl: Oh, well, okay. But, we can only stay for a minute.
  • Granny May: Great! (Softly) Oh, I mean, thank you, WordGirl.
  • WordGirl: After we're done cleaning, it looks like we're headed over to Granny May's house. I know. I think she's up to something, too.

  • Granny May: I hope all my guests are hungry.
  • WordGirl: Thank you for your hospitality.
  • Granny May: Well, now that I had to retire I have a lot of free time in my hands. So I thought it might be nice to start a book club.
  • WordGirl: A book club?
  • Granny May: Yes! and I thought I would ask you first-- You and your hungry friend--
  • WordGirl: I'm flattered you thought of us, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass.
  • Granny May: Ohh, okay. I was just looking forward to discussing "Princess Triana" with you.
  • WordGirl: "Princess Triana and the Dragons of Nottingswash"!
  • Granny May: Ah! Did not know you liked this book. Ha, ha. But, uh, you're not staying. So maybe I'll discuss the book with the drapes.
  • WordGirl: Oh, well, have fun. We'd better get going.
  • Granny May: For instance, I could ask the drapes how they felt when Princess Triana went off to fight the dragon family by herself.
  • WordGirl: Chapter 3!
  • Granny May: Yes! I thought that was quite feisty of her, didn't you, WordGirl?
  • WordGirl: Yes. I was so scared when she went into that dragon cave.
  • Granny May: Oh, I know. So what did you think when Princess Triana met her cousin, Lady Celestia! And claimed she didn't know the princess?
  • WordGirl: No, but she was pretending so the dragons wouldn't harm Princess Triana.
  • Granny May: Really? I don't remember that part. Are you sure?
  • WordGirl: Oh, I'm positive. I'll show you. It's right here in Chapter-- (Coughs) Oh, no! Old lady perfume. Huggy, we've been tricked.
  • Granny May: Now, let me get my sweater. And we'll be on our way. (Laughs Sinisterly) I got you. Here you go. If you want a job done right, get Granny May to do it.
  • The Butcher: Hey! Now she doesn't have to respire.
  • WordGirl: You mean "retired". "Respire" means to breathe.
  • The Butcher: Right. Retire.
  • Granny May: Well, as you all can see, I won't be needing this anymore.
  • Granny: I am so happy I don't have to retire. Oh! I think I might just have to give all of you a hug.
  • Dr. Two-Brains: Come here. Hugsies.
  • The Butcher: Oh.
  • Dr. Two-Brains: You did it all yourself, Honey. You brought us WordGirl when no one else could.
  • Granny May: Thank you, Two-Brains. Now as long as you have, WordGirl, I might as well do a little pick pocketing in the park.
  • Dr. Two-Brains: Huh? Where's my wallet?
  • Granny May: Hey! Granny May stole her gold-plated watch
  • Dr. Two-Brains: Oh, she's good. Pretending to be sentimental just to steal a watch? Ooh. That is one feisty lady.
  • Chuck: What should we do with WordGirl?
  • The Butcher: Maybe you should watch her while we go on a crime spree.
  • Dr. Two-Brains: Sounds fair to me.
  • Chuck: Well, it doesn't sound fair to me.
  • Dr. Two-Brains: Let's see what it says in the book, shall we?
  • Chuck: Uh, hey, look, they're trying to escape.
  • Dr. Two-Brains: Don't let them get away.
  • The Butcher: Sirlion Slam!
  • WordGirl: Let's get out of here, Huggy. We've got to get to the park and stop Granny May from her pick pocketing spree.

  • Guy: Uh, sure. Here you go.
  • WordGirl: Give that man back his wallet.
  • Granny May: WordGirl. Oh! I knew those guys would mess this up. And they wanted me to retire.
  • Guy: Uh, I think you made a mistake, WordGirl. The sweet old lady wouldn't steal my--Hey. That Sweet Old Lady stole my wallet.
  • Granny May: Ha, ha! Finders keepers, baby. I forgot what feisty competitor you are, WordGirl.
  • Guy: Fiesty. Good word.
  • WordGirl: Yes. It means full of energy something feisty can also be difficult Granny May is full of energy and hard to beat. And so am I, so that makes both of us feisty competitors.
  • Granny May: But it turns out that I am feister. Back to the assoication you go.
  • WordGirl: No!
  • Granny May: (Coughs) Ooh. Mm. Granny Perfume. It smells good.
  • Guy: Thank you, WordGirl. So what's the standard tip, 20%?
  • WordGirl: Oh, no, please. Superheroes usually work for free.
  • Narrator: A few days later at the jail...

  • Granny May: All right. I know when I'm beat.
  • Chuck: That's right. You may have beaten WordGirl, but, you'll never beat Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy. I am sharper than, um, um, something very sharp.
  • Security Guard: Hey, he's over there.
  • Chuck: Ohh.
  • Granny May: Sharp as a butter knife is what you are. Ha, ha, ha!
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