Transcript for Big Business
Narrator: In the luxurious office of Mr. Big, President and CEO of Mr. Big, Inc…
(Scene: Mr. Big’s office. As Mr. Big looks out the window of his office building, his assistant Leslie is on the outside of the glass washing the windows.)
Mr. Big: Ah, Leslie, I tell you, it’s great being me! I’m handsome, wealthy, and I own the biggest building in the city!
Leslie: Second biggest, sir! The Welrose building is now the biggest.
Mr. Big: (covering his face in shock) Go buy that building!
Leslie: We can’t, sir.
Mr. Big: What do you mean, we can’t? I’m Mr. Big, end of story! Plus, it’s much closer to that frozen yogurt place that I love. Mmm, yum!
Leslie: I understand, sir, but the Welrose building isn’t for sale. It’s the grand prize for the Business Palooza Fest.
Mr. Big: Say what?
Leslie: Business Palooza Fest? It’s a city-wide competition to determine who has the best business in town.
Mr. Big: Ah! Well, sign us up, Leslie! I must have that building! Looks like it’s time to bring out-- the gibberish!
Leslie: Good call, sir.
Narrator: The next day, at Business Palooza Fest...
(Scene: The Business Palooza Fest. The Botsford family walks past a clown handing out balloons.)
Becky: Wow, this is some competition! Look, there’s Reginald from the jewelry store, Fast Eddie from the used car dealership, Josephine from the bakery, and, uh, that guy who manages the grocery store!
(Becky stops and stares as she spots an adorable display.)
Becky: (gasps) Wow!
Suzy: Hi! I’m Suzy P. Snugglestein! And my cuddle factory of cuteness is the sweetest and most adorable--
(She is interrupted by the sound of electric guitars from a nearby stage. Everyone looks over and goes “wooo”. Mr. Big’s bodyguards are on guitar, and Leslie is acting as a DJ.)
Mr. Big: Step right up, everyone, and get to know Mr. Big Inc., the best business in town!
(Cheers from the crowd.)
Mr. Big: That’s right friends, these other businesses are good, but there’s no way they can match our frumble-gumble output! (An air show flies over the crowd.)
Becky: Frumble-gumble? He’s just spouting a bunch of gibberish!
Mr. Big: Without Mr. Big Inc. and our ultra-modern hookachickabowwow, your polly-wolly-doodle rates would be through the roof! (A fireworks display goes off.)
Becky: (to her mom) Polly-wolly-doodle rates? (laughs and snorts) Total gibberish.
Mrs. Botsford: I thought it was BRILLIANT! (laughs) Now let’s head over to the grocery store booth, I hear they’re handing out free graham crackers! Nummy-nummy-nummy!
(Bob starts to follow her, but Becky grabs his arm.)
Becky: The only thing Mr. Big is brilliant at is committing crimes. Let’s go check him out!
(Bob whimpers and points at the grocery store booth.)
Becky: Alright, you can go get a graham cracker first.
(At the jewelry store display, Mr. Big, dressed as an old lady, confronts Reginald.)
Mr. Big: (speaking in a high voice) It’s true, I tell you! I bought a diamond ring from Reginald for ten thousand dollars, and it turns out to be made of chocolate!
Bystander: I like chocolate!
Mr. Big: (speaking in a high voice) Okay, sure. But ten thousand for a chocolate ring?
Bystander: I guess it’s a little high!
Reginald: There must be some mistake. I assure you that all of my diamonds are genuine. And genuine. (note: he pronounces the word two different ways)
Mr. Big: (speaking in a high voice) That’s a lot of gibberish! I demand that Reginald be disqualified!
Reginald: Disqualified? Me?
Mr. Big: (speaking in a high voice) Ha-ha-hoo! So you admit it!
Becky: (to Bob) Something strange here. Look at that old woman’s shoes--
Mr. Big: (speaking in a high voice) I never!
Becky: And listen to her voice! And isn’t that Leslie, Mr. Big’s assistant?
(Leslie is on the ground next to Reginald’s stand, wearing a hardhat and attempting to disassemble it. She spots WordGirl and tugs on Mr. Big’s dress.)
Becky: That’s enough evidence for me! (She runs off and transforms.) Word UP!
(The Mayor and Mrs. Botsford come over to Reginald’s stand. Realizing something is up, Mr. Big slowly backs away.)
Mayor: Well, as both Mayor and official judge of Business Palooza Fest, I have no idea what to do! Uh, District Attorney Botsford, what do you think?
Mrs. Botsford: I think we should take a formal statement from the accuser.
(They both look around for the accuser, as WordGirl and Huggy show up.)
Mayor: Where’d she go?
Mrs. Botsford: Oh! Well, since the accuser has apparently vanished, we can’t possibly disqualify Reginald!
(Suddenly, Reginald’s display stand collapses from the damage that Leslie had done earlier.)
Mayor: That’s going to cost him a lot of points.
Reginald: Well, that hardly seems fair.
(WordGirl spots a rope attached to a pulley that had been used to tear up the display stand. Then she sees a discarded old lady costume.)
(Huggy chatters at her.)
WordGirl: You said it, Huggy! It’s time to pay Mr. Big’s booth a little visit!
(At his booth, Mr. Big is greeting passers by.)
Mr. Big: Hi! Hey! Good to see you! No, good to see you!
(WordGirl lands next to him.)
WordGirl: Hold it right there, Mr. Big!
Mr. Big: WordGirl?
WordGirl: That’s right! And I’ve come to return some of your property.
Mr. Big: Oh, goody! I love property!
(She holds up the old lady costume.)
Mr. Big: Oh! That’s just my old lady costu-- I mean, I’ve never seen those items before, in my life! This is an outrage!
WordGirl: The outrage is how you sabotaged Reginald’s jewelry booth!
Mr. Big: I am just an honest businessman trying my best to win the Welrose Building, the biggest, most beautiful building in the city. And so convenient to sweet, creamy frozen yogurt! I’d do anything to make it my own! Anything, I tell you!
Passerby 1: Huh?
Passerby 2: ¿Qué?
Mr. Big: Anything other than… sabotaging the competition, of course. Because that-- well, that would be cheating.
Passerby 1: Huh?
Passerby 2: Huh?
WordGirl: You’re up to something sneaky, and I’m gonna find out what it is!
Mr. Big: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Excuse me for a moment.
(Leslie walks up, and signals something to him. Mr. Big walks away.)
WordGirl: What are you--
(Murmurs from the crowd.)
WordGirl: What? Sounds like… sprinklers?
(The sprinklers have come on, soaking the grocery store manager’s items.)
WordGirl: Let’s go, Huggy!
Grocery Store Manager: Help! My graham crackers!
(In a flash, WordGirl goes around and ties knots in all the sprinkler heads.)
WordGirl: WE DID IT-- (looks at other stands nearby) Oh, no! The paper mache and watercolor painting booths! They’ll be ruined!
(She ties up those sprinkler heads as well, but the damage has already been done. The person at the paper mache booth is sobbing. The mayor and Mr. Big walk by the grocery store manager’s booth.)
Mayor: Hmm. These graham crackers are entirely too damp! And two businesses selling mounds of glop? Points off for lack of originality.
WordGirl: No, wait! This is all Mr. Big’s doing! He’s ruining all the other booths so that he can win!
Mr. Big: And, your proof is…?
WordGirl: Well, right before the water started, YOU winked at your assistant! She gave you a thumbs up and ran off! A-HA! (She realizes it is all circumstantial, and her posture deflates) All--right, it’s not the best proof…
Mr. Big: Well, I think that WordGirl’s accusations are pure gibberish!
Mayor: Ah, I’m sorry, WordGirl, but he’s right. You don’t have any proof.
WordGirl: Oh, we’ll just see about that! (She and Huggy walk off)
Mayor: Aw, don’t be upset!
(He walks toward them, at the same time that Leslie approaches Mr. Big.)
Mr. Big: Everything is going perfectly according to plan! Before long, Mr. Big Inc. will be the winner of Business Palooza Fest, and the biggest building in the city will be mine! Ha-ha-ha!
Leslie: Don’t forget about the frozen yogurt, sir.
Mr. Big: Yogurt! Oh, mama.
Narrator: Later that night…
Mayor: Well, we are very proud and excited to announce our two finalists! First, Suzy P. Snugglestein’s Cuddle Factory of Cuteness. Wow, that’s a lot of cute! He-he, ha--ha. And second, Mr. Big Incorporated! Each has prepared a short film about their business, and the best film takes the grand prize!
(Cheer and applause from the crowd.)
Mayor: Now allow me to introduce our judges. First, there’s me. I’m the mayor! (He waits for a response, but doesn’t get one.) Right. Second, our illustrious District Attorney, Sally Botsford. (Cheers from the crowd) And finally, our guest celebrity judge, the star of stage and screen, Peas--
(The Mayor’s assistant walks up to him and whispers in his ear.)
(They turn away from the crowd to talk privately.)
Mayor: What do you mean, he’s not here? (She shrugs. He thinks for a minute, then turns back to the crowd.) Uh, ladies and gentlemen, uh, a slight change of plans! No celebrity judge!
(Boos from the crowd. WordGirl flies onto the stage.)
WordGirl: How about me?
Mayor: Oh, okay. Please welcome guest celebrity judge, WordGirl!
Crowd:(The crowd cheers.) Yipee! Yipee!
WordGirl: And I pledge to you all that as long as long as I’m a judge, there will be no gibberish of any kind!
(The crowd is silent.)
WordGirl: You know, gibberish. It means nonsense, or foolish talk. Like the word yarndoggle, and hookachickabowwow. They don’t mean anything, they’re gibberish!
Mr. Big: Hmm… looks like WordGirl is going to give us a little trouble! Leslie?
Leslie: Yes, sir?
Mr. Big: Prepare the you-know-what!
Leslie: The mind control ray?
Mr. Big: Oh, come on! We call it the you-know-what for a reason.
Leslie: Sorry, sir.
(Meanwhile, Suzy’s film is already being presented to the crowd.)
Suzy: ...and that’s why I ask the judges to cast their vote for Suzy P. Snugglestein’s Cuddle Factory of Cuteness! If I win, I promise victory will be ever so cute!
Mayor: Very good! Thank you, Suzy! That was so sweet! Okay. Our next film is from Mr. Big Inc. Let’s watch!
Mr. Big: Without Mr. Big Inc., and our ultra-modern hookachickabowwow, your polly-wolly-doodle rates would be through the roof!
WordGirl: This is the same gibberish from before! I can’t believe that he--
(A greenish mind control ray approaches them from behind. Huggy notices it just as it comes upon them. WordGirl succumbs to the mind control, as does the Mayor and Mrs. Botsford. Huggy manages to avoid its effect.)
WordGirl: (in a monotone) --made such a great film.
Mayor: I agree. This film is great.
Mayor: It was spellbinding.
WordGirl: I give it four stars.
Mayor: The acting was superb.
WordGirl: An emotional romp.
Mrs. Botsford: No question Mr. Big deserves the grand prize.
(Huggy sees Leslie standing next to the mind control device on the projector. She sees him and runs off. He runs back to it, and reaches up to turn the ray off, but Mr. Big’s bodyguards approach him.)
Bodyguard: Hold it right there, monkey!
(Huggy jumps onto the projector and throws one of the reels at them, tying them up with the film. The ray is deactivated, and everyone returns to normal. Huggy returns to WordGirl’s side, carrying the mind control device.)
WordGirl: Phew! Great work, Huggy! Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Big was cheating! He was trying to win the contest by using this mind control ray!
Mr. Big: No, I wasn’t, and I can prove it. Leslie?
Leslie: No, he wasn’t.
Mr. Big: So, there you have it! You have to admit, my presentation was brilliant.
Mayor: Well, I agree! After all, the Cuddle Factory of Cuteness doesn’t have an ultra-modern hookachickabowwow!
WordGirl: That’s nothing but gibberish! And I can prove it. Mr. Big, please describe what your company does in five words or less.
Mr. Big: Well, everyone needs our blackenpopperpiddle--
WordGirl: Five real words, not made-up ones!
Mr. Big: Uh… is mind control one or two words?
(Leslie slams her hand against her forehead.)
Suzy: All… things… cute… and… cuddly! (laughs)
Mayor: Ah, that’s enough for me. Judges?
(WordGirl and Mrs. Botsford nod in agreement.)
Mayor: And the winner of Business Palooza Fest is-- Suzy P. Snugglestein’s Cuddle Factory of Cuteness!
(Applause from the crowd.)
Mayor: Congratulations! Here’s the deed to the Welrose Building!
Mr. Big: Ohh… drat! And I had my design plans all ready to go! It was going to be the biggest squishy bunny building in the city! Nay-- the world!
Leslie: Sir, we really need to talk about this whole “squishy bunny” thing.
Narrator: And so, once again, thanks to WordGirl and the brilliant Captain Huggy Face, the city is safe from Mr. Big and all his gibberish! Join us again next time for another super-colossal episode of WordGirl! WordGirl! WordGirl! (His voice fades out like an echo, as a carousel ride tune plays in the background )