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Transcript for Big Baby[]

(Scene: The sun is rising on Fair City. Becky and Bob are watching a Pretty Princess and Magic Pony Power Hour ad on TV.)

Narrator: It's a lovely weekend morning in our fair city, not that certain people would know.

(Becky closes the curtains.)

Pretty Princess: And now, with my diamond-edition flying flower fairy with magic sparkle wand, you too can spread a sparkle wave of a million smiles wherever you go.

TV Announcer: Smiles not guaranteed.

Becky: I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it!

(In another room, Mrs. Botsford is vacuuming.)

Becky: Mom. (Mrs. Botsford stops the vacuum.) I'm a pretty good kid, right?

Mrs. Botsford: Pretty darn good, I'd say!

Becky: Good enough for, I don't know, maybe a limited-edition Pretty Princess flying flower fairy with magic sparkle wand?

Mrs. Botsford: Absolutely! (Becky gasps happily. Mrs. Botsford turns the vacuum back on.) If you want, you can put it on your birthday list.

Becky: Oh, but I can't wait 'til my birthday!

Mrs. Botsford: Well, if you want it sooner, you'll just have to find a way to earn some money and buy it yourself.

Becky: But who's going to hire me? I'm not even old enough to baby-sit yet. (Bob squeaks a question.) Oh. "Hire" means to pay someone to do a job, like the city hired mom to be the district attorney.

Mrs. Botsford: (laughs) Guilty as charged. (laughs more) I am proud.

Becky: And if mom paid me a dollar an hour to chat with her while she's doing her chores, she'd be hiring me.

Mrs. Botsford: Nice try. (Becky hangs her head and heads towards the door.) You are old enough to baby-sit for plants, though.

Becky: (turns around) Wait. Really?

Mrs. Botsford: Yep. Mr. Newman next door is looking for a responsible person to water his plants while he's away.

Becky: I'll do it! I mean, it doesn't exactly take a magic flower fairy to baby-sit a bunch of plants, right? (Mrs. Botsford nods nervously.)

(Scene: Mr. Big's penthouse. Mr. Big is looking out the window while Leslie is vacuuming behind him.)

Narrator: Meanwhile, in a certain skyscraper lair across town, Mr. Big is thinking... little?

Mr. Big: You ever notice how cute baby things are? (Leslie raises a finger and prepares to answer, but is cut off.) Well, I did, because I'm smart and I notice things. I was at the baby animal petting zoo the other day. (Mr. Big has a flashback to visiting the zoo and watching a baby alligator. The alligator squeaks, and everyone but Mr. Big is entranced.) Why, the effect babies have on people is almost criminal! (holds up a mind control device shaped like a purple rattle) Hence, the Big Babifying Mind-Control Machine. Because I always say, almost isn't good enough. (laughs evilly and opens a window) Okay. You see that ugly old mutt down there?

Leslie: (walks up to the window) Yes.

(The two look down at a scruffy old dog tied to a fire hydrant. It pants at a girl walking by, who recoils in disgust.)

Girl: Ew!

(Mr. Big zaps a blast of green light from the rattle. The light hits the dog, and it turns into a puppy wearing a pink bow. A crowd gathers.)

Crowd: Aww!

Leslie: Oh. He's a baby.

(Mr. Big activates the rattle again. The dog turns back into its old form.)

Crowd: Huh?

(The crowd disperses.)

Leslie: Now he's not. (unimpressed) Congratulations, sir.

Mr. Big: This is just phase one of my greatest evil scheme yet!

Leslie: (resumes vacuuming) And what's phase two, sir?

Mr. Big: Oh! Oh, you're gonna love phase two. I love phase two. I love it so much I wanna marry it. And you know why I wanna marry it? Well... I'm just old fashioned, I guess. (laughs evilly) Let's get to work.

Leslie: Actually, sir, I just noticed my grandmother needs help loading that sofa into her truck across the street. (An old woman in hippie garb is shown trying to push a sofa into the back of a truck.) I thought I'd give her a hand.

Mr. Big: Oh. Well... All right, but don't make a habit of it. If I wanted a granny-helper, I would have hired one.

Leslie: (walks out) Thank you, sir.

Mr. Big: Now I have to do everything myself... As usual.

(Mr. Big accidentally activates the rattle. The green light hits him as he falls to the floor. Baby noises are heard as a pair of small hands try to reach for the rattle.)

Mr. Big: Leslie! Leslie! (starts to cry)

(Scene: Mr. Newman's house. Becky is looking at a T. rex Chia Pet.)

Becky: So, this is it? Just the on plant?

Mr. Newman: That's not a plant. That's Rex.

Becky: Oh. (waves to the plant and yells) Hi, Rex!

Mr. Newman: Hey, take it easy. He can hear you just fine from right there. Now, Rex likes a good drink once a day.

Becky: Oh, don't worry. I won't let him get dehydrated.

Mr. Newman: De-what now?

Becky: I won't let him get dehydrated.

Mr. Newman: De-which one?

Becky: Dehydrated.

Mr. Newman: De-who'd you say?

Becky: Dehydrated.

Mr. Newman: De-how's that?

Becky: (looks confused) Dehydrated.

Mr. Newman: De... What?

Becky: Dehydrated.

Mr. Newman: De... Which one was that?

Becky: ...Dehydrated.

Mr. Newman: De... What'd you say?

Becky: Dehydrated. It means low on water. Like, if you sweat a lot when you exercise, you need to hydrate by drinking some water. Otherwise, you'll get dehydrated.

Mr. Newman: Oh.

Becky: Speaking of exercise, do you want me to... (Mr. Newman starts to walk away and grabs a surfboard.) walk him or anything?

Mr. Newman: Of course not! Are you sure you've done this before?

(Mr. Newman walks out the door and closes it behind him.)

Becky: Easiest job ever!

(Scene: Outside of Mr. Big's skyscraper. The baby Mr. Big walks out the door, carrying a stuffed pink rabbit.)

Mr. Big: (cries) Leslie!

Crowd: Aww!

(People reach down to tickle him.)

Mr. Big: Hey! Hey, cut it out! Come on! (The crowd continues to tickle him, and he laughs.) No, no, not there! (laughs) I'm ticklish! (laughs) Hey, I'm warning you, I'm getting very cranky. (cries)

(Leslie has just finished helping her grandmother load the couch onto the truck when she hears Mr. Big calling for her.)

Mr. Big: Leslie, help me! Help me! I'm impossibly cute! (cries)

Leslie: (picks up Mr. Big) Oh, sir! Oh. Oh, you adorable little munchkin. Oh, I want to eat you up.

Mr. Big: Oh, good grief! You too?

Leslie: Oh, sorry, sir. It's just you were so adorable.

Mr. Big: Now get me back to the office and fix me! Go on!

Leslie: Get up on Leslie's shoulders. Piggy-back ride. (puts Mr. Big on her shoulders) Up, up. Hup!

Mr. Big: (laughs) Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up! (covers Leslie's eyes) Wheeee!

Leslie: Now, now, sir, mommy Leslie needs to see.

Mr. Big: Horsey!

(Leslie bumps into a balloon salesman carrying silver bunny balloons.)

Balloon Salesman: Oh, what an adorable baby! Here. Have some free balloons. (hands two balloons to Leslie)

Mr. Big: Ooh! Shiny.

Balloon Salesman: Oh, and here's a carriage. (gives them a baby carriage) Nope. You don't have to pay me. Just don't ask me where I got it. (laughs) Toodle-oo! (runs off)

Mr. Big: Did you see that? He wouldn't even let us pay. He gave us all this stuff because I'm so cute!

Leslie: You know, sir, you're so cute, you could be phase two of your evil plan.

Mr. Big: Wait a minute. I could be phase two of my own evil plan! I am an evil baby genius! (laughs evilly before he sees a man walk by holding a disco ball) Ooh! Shiny! (sees that the man is heading towards the park) Quick, take me to the park.

Leslie: For phase two, sir?

Mr. Big: Oh, yeah, uh... What? Uh, yeah. Phase two. Sure. (Leslie walks away.)

Narrator: Later...

(Scene: The park. Leslie is reading a magazine while the rich old lady is cooing over Mr. Big. He steals her necklace without her noticing. The baby carriage is full of jewelry.)

Mr. Big: Oh. Ooh! Shiny! (After the rich old lady walks away, Mr. Big pops out of the baby carriage and talks to Leslie.) Got it! Let's go.

Leslie: Sir, perhaps you could tell me more about phase two of your evil plan?

Mr. Big: Right! Phase two. It's a doozie! I think. I can't remember! I just want all the shiny shinies! (spots the Queen of Barbronia walking past) Oh... Oh! (reaches for her)

(Scene: Mr. Newman's living room. Becky and Bob are eating pretzels on his couch and watching TV.)

Becky: Hey, Bob, tell me what happens. I'm gonna go check on Rex. (gets up and laughs to herself) Okay, I'm back. (She and Bob laugh.) I didn't even... 'cause he's a... Oh, it's like taking candy from a baby.

Anthony: Candy from a baby? How about a baby who steals from you? Police have warned citizens to be on the lookout for this adorable little pickpocket team. (A picture of baby Mr. Big and Leslie is shown.) Just be careful they don't steal your heart. Precious details at 5:00.

Becky: We could solve that one in a snap. (Bob chatters a question.) Yeah, why not? We'll be back in no time. Hey, Rex, you mind if we leaf you here all alone? (She and Bob laugh.) "Leaf you"! I crack myself up. Word up!

(Scene: The park. Mr. Big is reaching for a giant diamond and a gold trophy Leslie is holding.)

Mr. Big: Gimme! Gimme!

Leslie: Which one? (Mr. Big whines and slaps the trophy out of her hand.) Use your words, sir. (Mr. Big reaches for the diamond; Leslie holds it out of reach.) Sir, we put away our toys before picking up new ones.

Mr. Big: (grabs the diamond) Sparkly!

(WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face land nearby.)

WordGirl: Okay, hold it right there, Mister... Baby?! (She and Captain Huggy Face are captivated by Mr. Big's cuteness.) Oh, look, Huggy! Mr. Big is a little teeny baby! Oh, is that the cutie patootiest thing you ever saw? (Leslie backs away with Mr. Big's baby carriage. WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face wave him goodbye, then snap out of it.) Whoa! That was weird. Did I actually say "patootiest"? (Captain Huggy Face nods.) I mean, that's not even a word! (Captain Huggy Face screeches and points after Leslie and Mr. Big.) Oh! Let's go.

(WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face fly off. A moment later, they land in Mr. Big's office. He sits, in adult form, behind his desk.)

WordGirl: Wait. You're big!

Mr. Big: Yeah, that's my name. Don't wear it out.

WordGirl: No, I mean, you were a baby.

Mr. Big: Oh, everybody was a baby. That's where grownups come from.

WordGirl: Oh. (points at the baby carriage and Leslie holding a disco ball) So this isn't your stroller and disco ball?

Mr. Big: Oh. Uh... Uh... (takes out the rattle and takes aim for WordGirl)

WordGirl: Yikes!

(WordGirl avoids the beam. Mr. Big again and hits Captain Huggy Face. The baby Captain Huggy Face looks at himself as WordGirl, Mr. Big, and especially Leslie coo over him. Captain Huggy Face grabs the rattle.)

WordGirl: Wait, wait. No, no. Baby Huggy, give it to WordGirl. Give it to WordGirl. Come on.

(Captain Huggy Face looks at the rattle, then zaps WordGirl with it, turning her into a baby as well.)

Leslie: Double aww!

(WordGirl giggles and Captain Huggy Face squeaks. He zaps Mr. Big with the rattle, turning him into a baby once again. Mr. Big grabs the rattle and runs away.)

WordGirl: Come on, Huggy! (She and Captain Huggy Face chase after Mr. Big.)

Leslie: Aww! I can't take it!

(WordGirl stumbles into Mr. Big. The rattle flies into the air Leslie catches it, accidentally zapping herself. Captain Huggy Face grabs the rattle and engages in a tug-of-war with Leslie.)

Leslie: No! Stop it! (Captain Huggy Face pulls the rattle out of her hands) No!

(WordGirl puts Leslie and Mr. Big in the baby carriage, and they start to cry for a few seconds before falling asleep. Captain Huggy Face, playing with the rattle, accidentally turns WordGirl back to normal. She grabs the rattle from him. He throws a tantrum as she turns him back to normal.)

WordGirl: Phew! No wonder babies nap all the time. It's exhausting. Phew! And are you as thirsty as I am? I'm totally dehydrated.

Narrator: I know who else is dehydrated. (WordGirl looks up, confused.) At Mr. Newman's house?

WordGirl: (gasps) Rex! We never watered him!

(They fly off. A policeman and policewoman appear and coo over the baby villains.)

(Scene: Mr. Newman's house. Rex is completely dry and most of his leaves fall off. Becky and Bob look in horror.)

Becky: Oh... Maybe fall just came early this year? (Bob squeaks and takes out a bucket of green paint and a paintbrush.) Great idea!

(Mr. Newman opens the door and stares at Becky and Bob. Bob hides the can of paint behind his back. Cut to the living room, where the three are sitting on the couch.)

Becky: ...and I don't know. I guess the job was just so easy, I never took it seriously enough, and now he's completely dehydrated and bald, and I'm just so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry!

Mr. Newman: All right. No biggie.

Becky: No what?

Mr. Newman: That's why they give you extra seeds. He'll be good as new in a few days.

Becky: You're not mad?

Mr. Newman: Well, I'm not gonna pay you, but you're honest. I like that. I mean, it's not like you tried to paint him green or anything. (laughs)

Becky: (laughs nervously) No...

Narrator: And so, if you're looking to hydrate your own carpet with tears of helpless laughter...

(Bob and Becky slowly back out of the room.)

Mr. Newman: Who would do that?

Narrator: ...you don't need to hire a party clown. Just be sure to watch the next gut-busting episode of WordGirl! (laughs)

(Mr. Newman finishes laughing and sighs happily.)

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