World’s Best Dad/Transcript

The scenes opens showing Becky house. It’s light blue with double fall roof and burgundy tiles.

The narrator continues IT'S A SUMMER MORNING AT THE BOTSFORDS' AND THE HOUSE IS BUZZING WITH ACTIVITY.

Becky, Mr. Botsford and Bob sit on the couch doing nothing.

The narrator says OR NOT. [whirring]

Becky looks out the window and sees a helicopter delivering a huge book with a trophy on the cover.

Becky says IT'S HERE, IT'S HERE!

Mr. Botsford says HOORAY! WHY, WHAT'S HERE? [whirring]

Becky says THE WORLD'S BIGGEST BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS. THIS BOOK IS AMAZING! IT LISTS EVERY WORLD RECORD EVER. FOR EXAMPLE, DID YOU KNOW THE RECORD FOR LONGEST TIME RIDING A UNICYCLE IS 36 HOURS?!

Mr. Botsford says 36 HOURS? BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL, I WAS PRETTY GOOD ON THE OLD ONE WHEELER. AND THE LONGEST I COULD STAY UP WAS SEVEN SECONDS.

Becky says OOH, HERE'S THE RECORD FOR THE MOST WATERMELONS BALANCED ON SOMEONE'S HEAD AT THE SAME TIME. 19!

Mr. Botsford says 19 WATERMELONS? IN HIGH SCHOOL, THE MOST WATERMELONS I COULD EVER BALANCE ON MY HEAD WAS FIVE.

Becky says HUH.

Mr. Botsford shows Becky a book with black and white pictures of him in his youth.

Mr. Botsford says I WAS IN A BUNCH OF CLUBS. HERE I AM IN THE FANCY COOKING CLUB. OOH, AND HERE I AM IN THE BACKWARDS ALPHABET CLUB. OH, MAN, LOOK AT ME IN THE STILT WALKING CLUB.

Bob squeals.

Mr. Botsford says YEAH, I WAS GOOD AT A LOT OF SILLY THINGS BACK THEN. BUT I WAS NEVER THE BEST IN THE WORLD. THE BEST IN THE WORLD.

Mr. Botsford imagines himself wearing a crown.

Becky says HEY, LOOK, THERE'S A NOTE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE. AHEM: "THERE IS CURRENTLY NO WORLD RECORD FOR UNICYCLING AND WATERMELON BALANCING AT THE SAME TIME." DAD, IF YOU CAN DO THOSE TWO THINGS SEPARATELY, MAYBE YOU COULD COMBINE THEM AND GET A WORLD RECORD.

Mr. Botsford says I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A WORLD RECORD. TO BE THE BEST IN THE WORLD. THE BEST IN THE WORLD.

The narrator says LATER, AT THE GROCERY STORE...

Becky says I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT BEING YOUR COACH FOR THIS WORLD RECORD ATTEMPT. WITH THE ENOUGH PRACTICE, I'M SURE YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE BEST.

Vitoria and General Smoochington appear from behind the end cap.

Victoria says WAIT A SEC, WHO'S GOING TO BE THE BEST?

Mr. Botsford and Becky fill the trolley with watermelons.

Mr. Botsford says TO THINK JUST BY UNICYCLING WHILE BALANCING WATERMELONS ON MY HEAD, I CAN SET A NEW WORLD RECORD.

Victoria says SO, BECKY'S DAD IS GOING FOR A WORLD RECORD? THAT WOULD MAKE HIM THE BEST AT SOMETHING, AND I'M ALWAYS THE BEST AT EVERY SOMETHING. I'M VICTORIA BEST!

Becky says SO, THE WORLD RECORD JUDGE WILL BE MEETING US IN THE PARK IN THREE DAYS.

Victoria and Scooch pass by Becky with a trolley full of watermelons.

Victoria says OUT OF MY WAY! MOVE, SCOOCH!

Becky says HUH, I FEEL LIKE I'M MISSING SOMETHING HERE.

The narrator says OH, YOU DEFINITELY ARE. THREE DAYS LATER AFTER LOTS OF HARD WORK AND PRACTICE...

Becky, Bob and Mr. Botsford stand in the park. A judge, wearing black robe and a white wig, appears.

The Judge says IN ORDER FOR YOUR FATHER'S ATTEMPT TO QUALIFY AS AN OFFICIAL WORLD RECORD, HE WILL HAVE TO BALANCE THE WATERMELONS ON HIS HEAD WHILE UNICYCLING FOR FIVE FULL SECONDS. ANYTHING LESS COULD BE PURE LUCK.

Becky says DAD, ARE YOU IN THE ZONE?

Mr. Botsford says I AM CURRENTLY IN THE ZONE. LET'S DO THIS.

Becky says AND GO!

OKAY, DAD, FIND YOUR GROOVE.

Mr. Botsford tries to keep his balance.

Mr. Botsford says I FOUND MY GROOVE; I AM IN THE GROOVE. THIS IS MY GROOVE. OH, NO!

Mr. Botsford falls to the ground.

Becky says DOOH!

The Judge says SEVEN SECONDS. TIM BOTSFORD, I DECLARE YOU TO BE THE WORLD'S GREATEST UNICYCLING WATERMELON BALANCER.

Becky says YOU DID IT, DAD. YOU'RE THE BEST IN THE WORLD.

Mr. Botsford says THE BEST IN THE WORLD... THE BEST IN THE WORLD.

Victoria and Scooch appear. She’s on a unicycle.

Victoria says IS HE THE BEST OR AM I THE BEST?!

Becky says VICTORIA?

Mr. Botsford says HEY, SHE HAS A UNICYCLE JUST LIKE MINE. WAIT A MINUTE.

Victoria says YOU MIGHT WANT TO START YOUR WATCH AGAIN, MR. JUDGE. AND THEN YOU MIGHT WANT TO FIND A CHAIR, BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO BE HERE A WHILE.

Becky says VICTORIA, WHAT IS GOING ON?

Now, Scooch puts five watermelons on Victoria’s head.

Victoria says ISN'T IT OBVIOUS? I'M ABOUT TO BEAT YOUR DAD'S WORLD RECORD FOR UNICYCLE WATERMELON BALANCING.

The Judge says EIGHT SECONDS.

Victoria says THAT'S RIGHT, EIGHT SECONDS.

The Judge says I'LL BE TAKING THAT.

Mr. Botsford says BUT...

The Judge says TIM BOTSFORD, I HEREBY DECLARE YOU TO BE A NON-WORLD RECORD HOLDER. CONGRATULATIONS, VICTORIA.

Victoria says YES! I AM THE BEST!

Becky says UGH! COME ON, DAD, LET'S GO.

Victoria says HA! HA! HA! OKAY, THIS IS GETTING BORING.

The narrator says THE NEXT MORNING, BACK AT THE BOTSFORDS'...

Becky says MORNING, DAD. WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST?

Mr. Botsford says BREAKFAST BURRITOS. I GOTTA WARN YOU, THEY PROBABLY WON'T WIN THE WORLD RECORD FOR BEST BREAKFAST BURRITOS BECAUSE THE GUY WHO COOKED THEM ISN'T THE BEST IN THE WORLD AT ANYTHING.

Becky says DAD, I'M SORRY VICTORIA TOOK AWAY YOUR WORLD RECORD. [sigh]

Becky says I THINK I HAVE JUST THE THING TO CHEER YOU UP. BOB, A HAND HERE. Huggy squeals. He helps Becky open the huge record book.

Becky says YOU'RE SO GOOD AT SO MANY UNUSUAL SKILLS, I BET WE CAN FIND SOME OTHER WORD RECORD COMBINATION THAT NOBODY HAS ATTEMPTED YET.

Mr. Botsford says BECKY, I'VE HEARD YOU USE THE WORD COMBINATION A FEW TIMES, AND TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANS.

Becky says OH, IF YOU COMBINE THINGS, IT MEANS YOU MIX THEM TOGETHER. AND COMBINING THINGS TOGETHER MAKES A COMBINATION. FOR EXAMPLE, THIS BREAKFAST BURRITO IS A DELICIOUS COMBINATION OF EGGS, BEANS, AND CHEESE ALL WRAPPED UP IN A TORTILLA.

Mr. Botsford says I SEE. THANKS FOR THAT COMBINATION OF DEFINING THE WORD AND COMPLIMENTING MY COOKING. WOO HOO! SO, WHAT OTHER COMBINATIONS DID YOU FIND IN YOUR RECORD BOOK?

Becky says HMM... OH, HERE'S ONE! NOBODY HAS COMBINED BLOWING BUBBLES WHILE DOING RUSSIAN FOLK DANCING WITH HIGH KICKS.

Mr. Botsford says BECKY, WHY STOP AT ONE WORLD RECORD? LET'S ATTEMPT A BUNCH OF COMBINATIONS.

Becky says YEAH, LET'S DO IT!

The narrator says LATER, AT VICTORIA BEST'S HOUSE...

The Judge says CONGRATULATIONS, VICTORIA. YOUR NAME'S IN THE BACK THERE SOMEWHERE.

Victoria says WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT'S THIS DOWN HERE?

The Judge says OH, THOSE ARE SOME COMBINATIONS OF SKILLS NOBODY HAS TRIED YET. BUT I'M TOLD Mr. BOTSFORD WILL BE TRYING SOME IN THE PARK ON FRIDAY.

Victoria says IS THAT SO? WELL, I WILL BE TRYING ALL OF THEM IN THE PARK ON FRIDAY. AND I WILL BE THE BEST! GENERAL SMOOCHINGTON, LET'S GET TO WORK.

The narrator says A FEW DAYS LATER, BACK AT THE PARK...

Mr. Botsford says MY DAD WILL BE ATTEMPTING 15 WORLD RECORDS TODAY, STARTING WITH DOING THE MOST ONE FINGER PUSH-UPS WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY IRONING A SENSIBLE BUTTON-DOWN SHIRT.

The Judge says MM.... PROCEED.

Mr. Botsford says OKAY, INDEX FINGER, LET'S MAKE HISTORY. VICTORIA, SHE'S BACK.

Victoria says OH, HI. AM I TOO LATE TO WIN ALL THE COMBINATION WORLD RECORDS AND PROVE ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT I'M THE BEST? MAY THE BEST ME WIN.

Word Girl says UGHH! IGNORE HER, DAD.

Mr. Botsford says ONE!

Victoria says ONE, TWO, THREE, YAWN. YOU CAN GIVE UP WHENEVER YOU WANT. WHY TIRE YOURSELF OUT? [groaning]

Victoria says PLAQUE, PLEASE.

The Judge says VICTORIA BEST, BY THE POWER VESTED...

Victoria says YEAH, YEAH, GREAT SPEECH. NOW, EVERYONE STAND BACK, I'M ABOUT TO BREAK ANOTHER RECORD. SMOOCHINGTON? [gasps]

Mr. Botsford says BUT I WAS GOING TO ATTEMPT TO BURLAP SACK BOUNCE WHILE PAINTING A SELF-PORTRAIT BLINDFOLDED! COME ON!

Victoria says I DON'T KNOW WHAT ATTEMPT MEANS, BUT I'M DEFINITELY GOING TO TRY IT.

Becky says THE WORD ATTEMPT ACTUALLY MEANS TO TRY. OR MAKE AN EFFORT TO ACHIEVE SOMETHING OR FINISH SOMETHING. FOR EXAMPLE, YOU'RE GOING TO TRY OR ATTEMPT TO SACK BOUNCE WHILE PAINTING A SELF-PORTRAIT BLINDFOLDED.

Victoria says I KNEW WHAT THE WORD ATTEMPT MEANS. I WAS JUST SEEING IF YOU KNEW.

Becky says YEAH, SURE YOU DID.

Victoria says AND TO SHOW YOU, I'M PREPARED TO ATTEMPT ALL THE WORLD RECORDS LISTED IN THE BOOK THAT NOBODY HAS EVER ATTEMPTED.

Becky says SIR, ARE THERE ANY WORLD RECORD SKILLS THAT AREN'T IN THE BOOK?

The Judge says NO, THERE ARE NOT. AND I SHOULD KNOW, I'M A JUDGE.

Becky says BUT WHAT IF I MADE UP A NEW ONE?

The Judge says HMM, I SUPPOSE I WOULD CONSIDER IT.

Becky says WHAT ABOUT BAKING THE WORLD'S FASTEST SOUFFLE...

The Judge says IT'S BEEN DONE.

Becky says WHILE RECITING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS...

The Judge says THAT'S BEEN DONE, TOO.

Becky says WHILE STANDING ON STILTS.

The Judge says NO... WAIT, THAT COMBINATION HAS NEVER BEEN ATTEMPTED.

Mr. Botsford says BECKY, REMEMBER BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL, I WAS THE PRESIDENT OF THE...

Becky says FANCY BAKING, BACKWARDS ALPHABET, AND STILT CLUBS, I KNOW! YOU CAN DO THIS, DAD. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE SUPPLIES.

Victoria says OH, THIS IS SO UNFAIR! I DIDN'T THINK UP ANY NEW SKILL COMBINATIONS SO I DIDN'T PRACTICE ANY. HOW CAN I BE THE BEST IF I DIDN'T PRACTICE?

Mr. Botsford says LET'S SEE. IT GOES, Z, Y, X...

Victoria says UNLESS, MAYBE I CAN GET SOMEONE TO SHOW ME HOW TO DO IT. I WON'T NEED TO PRACTICE AT ALL!

Victoria plays the recorder. A pink pentagram with several notes floats from her recorder and wrap Mr. Botsford hypnotizing him.

Mr. Botsford says T, S, R, Q, P, OOOO... OH, HO HO!

Becky says OH, MAN! COME ON, BOB. WORD UP!

Inside Victoria’s room, Mr. Botsford stands on stilts next to Victoria.

Victoria says OKAY, BECKY'S DAD, SHOW ME HOW TO COOK A SOUFFLE WHILE RECITING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS ON STILTS?

Mr. Botsford says WELL, THE KEY TO ANY SOUFFLE IS PREHEATING THE OVEN.

Word Girl and Huggyface appear.

Word Girl says VICTORIA BEST, UNHYPNOTIZE MY DA-- THIS CITIZEN WHO IS PROBABLY SOMEBODY'S DAD, RIGHT NOW!

Victoria says NUH-UNH, WORD GIRL. NOT UNTIL I'VE LEARNED HIS COMBINATION SKILL SEQUENCE.

Mr. Botsford says Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T...

Victoria and Word Girl start fighting.

Word Girl says YAH! HUGGY, TIME FOR EMERGENCY PLAN NUMBER TWO! THE OLD HUGGY FACE SUPER FACE HUG. YAAHH!!

[Huggy squealing]

Victoria says OH, MONKEY HEADED FOR MY FACE!

Mr. Botsford stops being hypnotized. Huggy falls over Victoria hugging her.

Mr. Botsford says C, B, A. WHERE AM I?

Victoria says I GIVE THE BEST HUGS, BUT THIS IS PRETTY GOOD.

Now, Becky and his dad are back in the park. They see Scooch on stilts cooking a soufflé.

Mr. Botsford says BECKY, I DON'T SPEAK GORILLA. WHAT'S HE SAYING?

Becky says HE'S SAYING D, C, B, A. [timer dings]

The Judge says ONLY 13 SECONDS! THAT'S DEFINITELY A WORLD RECORD.

Mr. Botsford says AW, 13 SECONDS? THERE'S NO WAY I CAN DO IT THAT QUICKLY. [grunting]

Becky says NOW HE'S SAYING HE'S SO HAPPY BECAUSE VICTORIA NEVER LETS HIM WIN AT ANYTHING. IT'S A VERY EMOTIONAL MOMENT FOR HIM.

Mr. Botsford cries.

Becky says OH, AND FOR YOU, TOO. I'M SORRY, DAD.

The narrator says THE NEXT MORNING, BACK AT HOME... [humming]

Mr. Botsford says I'M SCRAMBLING EGGS. GOOD MORNING, BECKY. HOW DID YOU SLEEP, KIDDO? HEY, DO YOU WANT EGGS ON THIS BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING DAY?

Becky says OH, YES, PLEASE. WOW, YOU'RE IN A GOOD MOOD.

Mr. Botsford says WELL, I DID SOME THINKING AND DECIDED THAT I AM INCREDIBLY HAPPY. IN FACT, I MAY HAVE THE WORLD RECORD FOR WORLD'S HAPPIEST DAD.

Becky says AW, THANKS, DAD. YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO PUT A GOOD SPIN ON THINGS.

Mr. Botsford says SPIN ON THINGS... SPIN ON THINGS... BECKY, DID YOU KNOW I WAS THE PRESIDENT OF MY HIGH SCHOOL PLATE SPINNING CLUB?

Becky says NO, YOU NEVER MENTIONED THAT ONE. I BET THERE'S A COMBINATION WORLD RECORD THAT INVOLVES PLATE SPINNING THAT NOBODY HAS TRIED YET.

Mr. Botsford says OH, OH, OH! WE COULD COMBINE PLATE SPINNING WITH BUNNY HOPPING!

Becky says THROUGH HOOPS! The narrator says AND SO, BECKY AND HER DAD SPENT ALL WEEK ATTEMPTING TO SET A WORLD RECORD, BUT ENDED UP HAVING A GREAT TIME TOGETHER INSTEAD. JOIN US NEXT TIME FOR THE SHOW THAT COMBINES AWESOME ACTION AND THE WORLD'S HANDSOMEST NARRATOR YOU'VE NEVER SEEN, ON WORD GIRL.