Chuck the Nice Pencil Selling Guy/Transcript

Transcript for Chuck the Nice Pencil Selling Guy
(Scene: A corporate office somewhere in the city.)

Narrator: When we last saw Chuck, the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy, he was busy making sandwiches! But you know, in an evil kind of way! Since then, Chuck has gone to jail, turned his life around, and is now…

Chuck: Chuck the Awesome Pencil and Rubber-band Selling Guy! Who still really likes sandwiches.

Narrator: Nice compromise!

Mr. Callihan: Hey, Chuck! Wait, you know what? I like to call my employees by their last name. What’s your last name?

Chuck: (counting with his fingers): Chuck - the - Evil - Sandwich - Making - Guy… Guy!

Mr. Callihan: Now listen, Guy, I took a big chance hiring you to sell pencils and rubber bands, what with you being a former scourge of the city and all.

Chuck: Thank you!

Mr. Callihan: I have to hand it to myself, I was right, and you’re doing a great job! That’s why you’re my top salesman!

Chuck: Thanks, Mr. Callihan!

Mr. Callihan: Don’t mention it!

Employee: Mr. Callihan, sir... what would you like for lunch?

Mr. Callihan: Oh, lunch, uh… we-well, I could go for anything, I mean, spaghetti, pizza, tacos, fried rice, more tacos, anything, anything at all-- (his face turns serious) --anything but SANDWICHES!

Chuck: No-- sandwiches?

Mr. Callihan: Boy, do I hate sandwiches! Call me stubborn, but I will not eat them! Never have! I don’t like how they look, how they smell, I don’t even like the word sandwich! Sand-wich! What’s that even mean?

Chuck: Wait, but-- sir, I--

Mr. Callihan: Nope, I refuse to compromise on this… I hate sandwiches, I hate sandwiches, once I start saying it I can’t stop… I… hate… sandwiches!

(He walks away, but his words continue to echo in Chuck’s mind. Chuck’s anger grows until he snaps the pencil he is holding.)

Chuck: Hate sandwiches, huh? Anything but sandwiches, huh? Well, we’ll see how much he hates sandwiches when I get through with HIM!

(Chuck has started using the copier to make pictures of different types of sandwiches, but the copier starts beeping.)

Chuck: Oh no. Uh, guys, I- I think there’s a paper jam here. Oh I, I hate these things.

(Scene: The park, where Becky, Bob and Violet are relaxing under a tree.)

Narrator: Meanwhile, in the park, under a tree…

Becky: I’m telling you, Violet, we should paint a unicorn for our art project. They’re the most beautiful creatures on earth!

Violet: But not as pretty as the pegasus. There’s no better symbol of beauty and strength than the winged horse!

Becky: Yeah. If only there were a way to compromise, I mean, they’re both horse-based creatures!

Violet: I’ve got it! What if we create a new animal, combining the wings of a pegasus--

Becky: --with the horn of a unicorn! And we call it--

(Simultaneously, Becky shouts out “Unisus” and Violet shouts out “Pegacorn”.)

Becky: Huh…

Violet: Yeah… back to square one.

(Bob, who has been hanging from a branch above them reading the Daily Rag, chatters something.)

Becky: What? (He shows her the page.) Oh! Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy done with sandwiches and evil! Huh! Good for him!

(Scene: inside the office of Mr. Callihan. He is practicing his putting. A large foot comes down onto the ball.)

Mr. Callihan: Oh, hey there, Guy! Burning the midnight oil, I see! I knew I was right to hire you!

Chuck: Um, um, we need to talk about what you said earlier, Mr. Callihan.

Mr. Callihan: About hiring you?

Chuck: Not about that. I need to talk to you about sandwiches!

Mr. Callihan: Hm? What’s to talk about? I hate ‘em! No two ways about it, I hate sandwiches! I hate sandwiches, I hate sandwiches!

(Chuck’s anger becomes more intense. Finally, he tears his suit off, leaving him in his normal evil sandwich-making garb.)

Chuck: I tried being good, I- I was- you pushed me, I got pushed!

Mr. Callihan: Hey! Nice outfit!

(Scene: outside the office building, a little later. Mr. Callihan is standing in a large tank, and next to it is something that looks like a cement mixer, with a trough leading down into the tank. A crowd is gathering in front of them.)

Chuck: You picked the wrong day to hate sandwiches, Mr. Callihan, for I am Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy!

Mr. Callihan: Okay!

Chuck: For every delicious sandwich that you refuse to eat, I will dump some goop into your vat! (The crowd gasps.) Like this!

(He reaches for a button, but his finger only bumps against a metal plate.)

Chuck: Oh-wh-where’d I put that button? Oh, I know it’s around here somewhere.

Mr. Callihan: Hey Guy! Is that it? (points to a button on the inside of the tank.)

Chuck: Man, I accidentally put the button in there! How am I gonna reach it?

Mr. Callihan: Well, I can push it for you!

Chuck: Really? You’d do that?

Mr. Callihan: Well sure, why not? Anything for my top salesman!

Chuck: Thanks! Okay, now just wait for me to give you the go sign.

Mr. Callihan: No problemo!

Chuck: Alright, let’s start the ball rolling with the tuna sandwich! (The crowd oohs and aahs.)

Mr. Callihan: Ugh! Too sandwichy!

Chuck: Then you leave me no choice! (points at the tank)

Mr. Callihan: Oh, uh, was that the go sign?

Chuck: Yeah.

Mr. Callihan: Okay! (He presses the button, and white goop pours into the tank. He laughs as it splashes around his feet.) I rather like it!

Chuck: That’s right, ha-ha-ha, feel my wrath! (Holds up sandwich to the crowd) Hey, anybody want this? I hate to waste a perfectly good tuna sandwich here! (Everyone raises their hand.)

(Scene: a sidewalk. Becky, Bob and Violet are walking together.)

Narrator: At that very moment, across town…

Becky: A unisus?

Violet: No, a pegacorn.

Becky: Okay, this is ridiculous. We have got to settle this once and for all.

Violet: How about we compromise, and call it a pegacorn?

Becky: That’s-- not a compromise.

Violet: Sure it is!

Becky: No, a compromise is when I give a little, and you give a little, and we come to an agreement.

Violet: Oh... Compromise! Oh, how about we call it a pegaunisuscorn?

Becky: Yeah! Pegaunisuscorn!

Violet: (trying a different pronunciation) Peg-a-un-I-sus-corn. Not a great name.

Becky: No.

(A large crowd of people run past them.)

Becky: What’s going on?

Woman: There’s a sandwich giveaway! Can you believe it? Free sandwiches!

Becky: A sandwich giveaway?

Woman 2: And I heard there’s a villain covering his boss in goo!

Man: This is a weird city!

Narrator: You’ve got that right!

Becky: Um, Violet, I was just thinking… maybe we can’t decide which name to use for our uni-- our creation--because we’re too close to the problem!

Violet: Too close?

Becky: Yeah. Maybe we need to go off on our own for a while and think about it. You know, on our own!

Violet: I see-- just like the mighty winged Pegacorn! Alone in a pasture… our thoughts will take flight! (flutters away)

Becky: Right, yeah. Uh, well bye!

Violet: Byeeee!

Becky: Ready Bob? Word UP! (transforms)

(Scene: Back in front of the office building.)

Chuck: Not even the most hard-hearted could resist roast beef! With au jus sauce! (The crowd looks on admiringly.)

Mr. Callihan: Nah.

Chuck: Okay, who wants it? (throws it into the crowd, then points at Mr. Callihan.) Hit it!

(Mr. Callihan pushes the button again, dumping more goo into the tank.)

Chuck: BLT!

Mr. Callihan: Yuck!

(Chuck throws it into the crowd. Mr. Callihan presses the button again.)

Chuck: Turkey on rye!

Mr. Callihan: (gags) More like turkey on bye-bye!

(Chuck throws it to the crowd, and Mr. Callihan presses the button again. It is now nearly up to his chest.)

Chuck: Cheese steak!

Mr. Callihan: Hmm…

Narrator: The moment is tense! The crowd waits! Will the stubborn Mr. Callihan say yes?

Mr. Callihan: No!

Narrator: Hm! Guess not.

(Chuck tosses it to the crowd)

Woman 3: You got any slaw?

Chuck: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! (Something moves past him.) Whoa! Hey, you’re that hairy little crime-fighter! And where there’s a hairy little crime-fighter, there’s usually a-- WordGirl!

WordGirl: That’s right, Chuck! Hey, uh, what’s going on? I mean, I thought you were doing so well at your new job!

Chuck: I was, you know the hours were good, the people were nice, all the pencils and rubber bands I could hope for--

WordGirl: So, what happened?

Chuck: This guy hates sandwiches!

Mr. Callihan: Hidy-ho!

WordGirl: So?

Chuck: Well, I gave him a chance to say he likes them, but he wouldn’t give in! He’s being all, you know, oh what’s the word?

WordGirl: Stubborn? It means to have a belief that you don’t want to give up!

Chuck: Yeah, that’s it! He’s being stubborn, and I’m trying to, um...\

WordGirl: Compromise. Find a solution that works for both of you.

Chuck: Wow, back to back word lessons!

WordGirl: Yeah, it’s a two-fer! Anyway, I’m sorry to hear that you’re back to crime, Chuck, because it just means that I have to defeat you again!

Chuck: Oh yeah? Well, defeat THIS, WordGirl and hairy guy! (Points his condiment ray at them.) Catch some ketchup! Get it? Must have the mustard! Ha-ha! And I will relish the relish!

(WordGirl and Huggy avoid Chuck’s attacks.)

Chuck: Hold it! One false move, and Callihan hits the goop button!

WordGirl: Oh yeah? Well-- Wait, he’s going to hit the button and goop himself?!

Chuck: Yeah, I accidentally put the button in the vat--

Mr. Callihan: -- and I offered to help!

Chuck: Thanks again.

Mr. Callihan: No problem, you’re my best salesman!

WordGirl: Quick question-- Mr. Callihan?

Mr. Callihan: Yes?

WordGirl: Why don’t you NOT hit the button and NOT goop yourself?

Mr. Callihan: And go back on my offer? Never!

WordGirl: Oh- okay then, why don’t you compromise and at least taste one of the sandwiches?

Mr. Callihan: But I don’t like sandwiches.

WordGirl: Just try one!

Mr. Callihan: No. I’ll stick to my way.

WordGirl: But your way will have you up to your ears in goop!

Mr. Callihan: Yeah, I’m going to go with my way.

WordGirl: Boy, you’re stubborn!

Chuck: I know, right? Well, I’ve only got one sandwich left-- no one can resist peanut butter and jelly with the crust cut off! (The platter is empty) My sandwich! (Huggy has grabbed it and eats it.)

WordGirl: Good work, Huggy! Wait, was eating the sandwich part of the plan? (Huggy answers yes.)

Chuck: Now you’ve done it, hairy guy! You’ve sealed Mr. Callihan’s fate! Press the button! (No one can be seen inside the tank.) Wh-wh-where’d he go?

WordGirl: Huggy! Emergency plan number 178! (Huggy dives into the vat.)

Chuck: That dive was beautiful!

(After a few seconds, Huggy comes up with Mr. Callihan.)

WordGirl: What happened in there?

Mr. Callihan: I thought I saw a nickel on the bottom of the vat.

WordGirl: Through all that goop?

Mr. Callihan: Well, I have good eyesight. Hmm, after all that excitement, I’m actually a little hungry. I could really go for a grilled cheese right about now!

Chuck: Are you kidding??

WordGirl: Is this some sort of a joke?

Mr. Callihan: What?

Narrator: A grilled cheese is a sandwich!

WordGirl: That’s why they call it a grilled cheese sandwich!

Mr. Callihan: Huh! I never put that together before.

Narrator: Oh, brother.

(Two officers come up behind Chuck, who is fuming.)

Chuck: You mean to tell me that I’m going to jail because you didn’t know that a grilled cheese is a sandwich??

Mr. Callihan: Well, you learn something new everyday, I guess.

Chuck: This doesn’t seem fair!

WordGirl: Sorry, Chuck. Really. Sorry.

Mr. Callihan: Aww. There goes my number one salesman. Hey! Anyone know where I can get a grilled cheese in this part of town?

Narrator: And so, WordGirl has heroically saved the world’s most mind-bogglingly stubborn man!

WordGirl: You can say that again!

Narrator: No, I don’t think I can!

Violet: Becky! I figured it out! Pegacorn-a-Unisus-si-corn-a-un… see? Compromise!

(WordGirl takes off with Huggy.)

Narrator: Join us again next time where we never compromise on quality, for another pulse-pounding episode of… WordGirl!