High-Fat Robbery/Transcript

Transcript for High-Fat Robbery
(Scene: The City Park. Kids are flying kites, others are relaxing and standing around. Scoops, Becky and Bob are walking together.)

Narrator: Just another carefree day in the city as Todd “Scoops” Ming shares his childhood dreams with Becky “WordGirl” Botsford.

Scoops: Someday I’m gonna work for the top newspaper in the country! A paper that’s super-- um…

Becky: Impressive?

Scoops: Right! Impressive! Today, roving writer for the Daily Rag. Tomorrow, ace reporter for the Big City Times! (Points at the building housing the newspaper.)

Becky: Wow!

Scoops: Hey, did you read today’s paper? (Holds up the Daily Rag soo Becky can see it.)

Becky: Yes, I, um, meant to mention the layout. And, um… the headline! Are you using new lettering? (Bob grabs the paper, and starts reading through it.)

Scoops: You hated it.

Becky: Hate is such a strong word. Accurate, but strong. See, I found it a little, well… dull. (Bob yawns as he is reading.)

Scoops: Dull?! (grabs the paper from Bob)

Becky: Dull in a good way!

Scoops: Second Street traffic light fixed! New carpeting in teacher’s lounge! You call that dull? (Bob nods his head.)

Becky: Um… yeah. Scoops, you’ve gotta run stories more interesting to fifth graders. I mean, Second Main Bank announces free toaster day?

Scoops: Becky, I have to think of our subscribers.

Becky: Who reads the Daily Rag outside of elementary school?

(Scene: Second Main Bank. The security guard is reading the Daily Rag.)

Guard: Bank gives away free toasters! Really?! (Behind him is a sign saying “Free Toaster,” and a customer walks by carrying a toaster.) Free toasters! Hey, this paper is right!

(From the bank guard’s left, a hand reaches out holding a flier.)

Mystery Man: Hey, hey buddy! Buddy!

Guard: (reading the note) Free bobblecue outside?

Mystery Man: Yeah, free bobblecue! (The guard grabs the note and looks at it closely) In the parking lot! Come on! Bobblecue!

Guard: Mmm, sorry.. bank rules, I can leave my post for-- wait, what’s a bobblecue?

Mystery Man: You know, bobblecue! Bobblecue? Bobblecue!

Female Bank Teller: Maybe he means curlycue.

Guard: Or Catmandu!

Female Bank Teller: How about peekaboo?

Guard: I see you!

Mystery Man: No, bobblecue! Bobblecue sauce? Here! (holds out a cooked rib)

Guard: Oh, BAR-becue! Why didn’t you say so?

Female Bank Teller: Oh!

(The bank guard bites into the rib.)

Bank Guard: Hey everybody, free barbecue outside!

(Customers and employees alike run outside the bank. They form a line in front of a large buffet table. The bank teller and guard are fighting over a drumstick.)

Female Bank Teller: Look pal, I’m askin’ you nicely. Get your filthy fingers off my drumstick!

Guard: YOUR drumstick? I grabbed it first!!

Female Bank Teller: The rule is, ladies first!

Narrator: Meanwhile, a mysterious man sneaks into the Second Main Bank! (Someone is seen tiptoeing into the now-empty bank.)

Guard: Mine!

Female Bank Teller: Mine!

Customer: (Carrying a large pile of food) You know, it’s awfully nice of the bank to throw their loyal customers free barbecue.

Guard: The bank didn’t throw this!

Female Bank Teller: We thought you customers did!

Guard: Wait! If YOU didn’t throw this barbecue…

Customer: And the BANK didn’t throw this barbecue…

Female Bank Teller: Then… who…

(The alarm goes off from inside the bank.)

Guard: Whoopsie!

(Scene cuts back to the park. Scoops, Becky and Bob are lying on the grass. Bob has the Daily Rag covering his face. A butterfly goes by.)

Becky: (hears the bank alarm and sits up) Hey, an alarm!

Scoops: Really? I don’t hear anything.

(From far away, she hears someone say, “The Second Main Bank has been robbed!”

Becky: Holy cow, the Second Main Bank has been robbed! Now that’s an impressive story! (Bob goes into the bushes and starts changing into Captain Huggy Face.) Scoops, you’d better hustle!

Scoops: What, do you have super hearing or something?

Becky: Um, no, (giggling) of course not, I’d have to be WordGirl to have super hearing, I’m certainly not and don’t-- um…

(Scoops looks at her suspiciously)

Becky: Race you to the bank for a free toaster!

Scoops: (takes off running) Op! You’re on!

(Huggy comes out of the bushes, with his outfit only partially on, and the helmet is crooked.)

Becky: Bob! We’re not actually racing him. I was creating a diversion! (in a heroic voice) Come on! We’ve got work to do! Word up! (changes into WordGirl, then fixed Huggy’s helmet for him.)

(Scene: inside the vault of the Second Main Bank. There are splotches of barbecue sauce spread out on the floor. The guard puts his finger in it and tastes it.)

Guard: Just as I suspected. Barbecue sauce! (his mouth is covered in it)

(WordGirl and Huggy fly in)

Guard: WordGirl! You just missed him!

WordGirl: I was afraid of that! What happened?

Guard: It was business as usual, and then some guy handed me a flyer about a free bobblecue outside!

WordGirl: (looks at the flyer) Bobblecue?

Female Bank Teller: He meant barbecue.

Guard: And then he robbed the bank while we were out eating.

WordGirl: I see! So the barbecue was just a diversion to get everyone out of the bank!

Guard: Right! (pauses) Uh, what’s a diversion?

WordGirl: Diversion! It’s a way to distract people, get them to look someplace else. (points) Like over there! (The guard and bank teller both look in the direction she pointed.)

Guard: What? Where?

(As they continue looking, Scoops shows up on the scene.)

Guard: (finally understanding) Oh, I see!

Scoops: WordGirl, who do you think did this?

WordGirl: Hmm… a barbecue bank robbery? I have some ideas.

Scoops: Where do you think he’ll strike next?

WordGirl: Um… I’m not sure.

Scoops: What do you mean, you’re not sure?

WordGirl: That I’m… not sure.

Scoops: What’s your secret identity?

WordGirl: Nice try!

Scoops: (snaps his fingers) Aa! (Huggy walks by carrying a pile of barbecued meat.)

Guard: Nice doggy! (Reaches for a piece of meat, Huggy slaps his hand.)

(Scene 3: Ye Olde Fancy Schmancy Jewelry Store.)

Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Olde Fancy Schmancy Jewelry shop…

(Reginald, the jewelry clerk, is reading through the Daily Rag.)

Reginald: Barbecue bank robbery… city janitors use new window cleaner… Ah! Here it is… Rich old lady to buy the impressive Hoboken diamond!

(The Rich Old Lady comes through the door.)

Rich Old Lady: Here I am, Reginald!

Reginald: Positively delighted to see you, my dear! And here’s the Hoboken diamond!

Rich Old Lady: Ah-h-h!

Reginald: Impressive, isn’t it?

Rich Old Lady: Oh, yes!

Reginald: A gem for… a gem!

Rich Old Lady: Oh… you! I hope you don’t mind if I pay you in pocket change! Of course, I have very deep pockets! (Pulls out stacks of money and hands it over to him)

Reginald and Rich Old Lady: (laughing together) Ah-ha-ha-ha!

Reginald: Oh, how I love your money!

Rich Old Lady: Oh Reginald, I just love being filthy rich, and buying only the most expensive overpriced things!

Reginald: I love that you’re filthy rich as well!

(The shadow of a large figure enters the jewelry store.)

Mystery Man: Free Barbecue!

Rich Old Lady: Free?! Oh-ho! Free Barbecue! (runs for the door along with the other customers, throwing the diamond back at Reginald.)

Reginald: Ooh, somebody’s hungry!

(Scene: Scoops, Becky and Bob walking down a sidewalk in the city.)

Scoops: Boy, what an impressive story! “Barbecue bank robber fills up on millions, while guard chows down on ribs!”

Becky: Yeah, that’s some story.

Scoops: “Employees and customers eat the evidence!”

Becky: Um… don’t you think you twisted things a little?

Scoops: “WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face clueless!”

Becky: Hey, we weren’t -- umm -- I mean, I doubt if they were clueless!

(Bob spots a tray of barbecued drumsticks ahead, and his face lights up.)

Scoops: Oh, you’re right-- I probably should have used baffled. Maybe dazed.

(Bob leaps for the drumsticks.)

Becky: Bob, where are you going?!

(Rich Old Lady and Reginald are standing in front of a buffet table outside the jewelry store, eating the barbecue. Bob picks up a pork chop and starts chowing down.)

Rich Old Lady: Oh, you vile little rodent! (She hits Bob with her fan.) Find your own free barbecue!

Becky: Hey! This is just what happened yesterday! A thief used free barbecue as a diversion, then robbed the bank!

Reginald: Excuse me, blandly dressed little girl, but I am far too smart to fall for that!

(An alarm goes off inside the jewelry store)

Reginald: Oh dear.

Scoops: Yes! Another major scoop! Becky, did you hear? Somebody robbed the jewelry store! SCORE! Becky! Becky?

WordGirl: Word UP! (streaks in from behind, and goes into the jewelry store.) Hold it right there… BUTCHER!

(The “Mystery Man” is revealed to be The Butcher!)

Butcher: Ahh, WordGirl! Finally, we meet for the THIRD time!

WordGirl: Umm…

Rich Old Lady: Help, that brute has his grubby paws all over my diamond!

WordGirl: So, Butcher! You thought you could steal the Hoboken diamond, eh? Well, this time your diversion failed!

Butcher: Diversion?! You mean barbecue!

WordGirl: Kind of. Your barbecue WAS a diversion.

Butcher: But I didn’t serve any diversion at my barbecue! Only ribs, and chicken with that sticky red sauce!

WordGirl: No, I mean you used the barbecue as a way to distract people from the crime you are committing. They went outside to eat barbecue, you went inside to rob them.

Butcher: Huh?

WordGirl: Let’s try this. Your shoe’s untied!

Butcher: It is? Thank you!

(WordGirl zips back to the door, and closes it.)

Butcher: Hey, wait a minute! I don’t have any shoelaces -- you were just tricking me!

WordGirl: Yes! I created a diversion. While you looked at your shoe, I blocked your escape route!

Butcher: Oh, diversion! I get it. Thanks, WordGirl!

WordGirl: Happy to help!

Butcher: Don’t get TOO happy! (Extends his palms toward her, firing legs of lamb and covering her up.)

Rich Old Lady: Oh, that awful man has gone off with my diamond! (faints)

(Huggy starts eating the meat from around WordGirl.)

Scoops: WordGirl… who do you think is behind this?

WordGirl: Um… the Butcher? You were here, remember?

Scoops: Right! Where do you think he’ll strike next?

WordGirl: I’m not sure.

Scoops: Then you’ll tell me your secret ident---

WordGirl: Give it up, already!

Scoops: Fine, don’t tell me. Still, you have to admit, my reporter’s instincts are pretty impressive!

WordGirl: What do you mean?

Scoops: Well, first I wrote about the bank, then it got robbed! Then I wrote about the jewelry store, and it got robbed! It’s like every story I write about turns into a crime scene! Ha-ha… why isn’t anyone laughing?

WordGirl: (with a flash of inspiration) That’s it! Don’t you see? The Butcher is using your stories to plan out his crimes!

Scoops: Really? You mean The Butcher reads the Daily Rag?

WordGirl: Listen Scoops, I’ve got a story for you.

Scoops: Now, you’re talking! You’re secret identity is… ? (She gives him a stare) The monkey’s secret identity? (He stares) Okay, so far I’m not impressed.

WordGirl: Look, just trust me on this, okay?

Scoops: Okay...

(Scene: inside The Butcher’s lair, next to several hanging sides of beef.)

Butcher: My barbecue plan is geniosity! No wait-- genie… -- It’s really smart! Huh! I wonder what I should steal next?

(As he says this, someone drops a copy of the Daily Rag through the door slot.)

Butcher: Wow, good timing! (Picks it up and reads it) “Vic’s Vegetarian Restaurant makes millions off wheat and barley ice cream!” Hmm… I’m scheming!

(Scene: Vic’s Vegetarian Restaurant. Patrons are seated at different tables. One of the patrons speaks.)

Tofu guy: Hey, guys! Tofu! Yeah!

(The Butcher shows up at the restaurant)

Butcher: Hey, everybody! Free barbecue outside! Come get it while it’s hot! (Runs outside, waiting for everyone to follow. But no one moves from their seat.)

Butcher: (coming back in) Uh, I said, free barbecue! Tons of free food! Come on!

Female patron: Thanks buddy, but I’ve already got food.

Butcher: Where?

Female patron: Right here-- tofu!

Tofu guy: Haven’t you ever seen tofu before?

Butcher: I don’t see anything but some squishy-looking white stuff!

Tofu guy: Yeah! Tofu! You know, delicious soy bean curd? Here, try some!

Butcher: No thanks. Looks like my stomach. See? (Lifts shirt)

Tofu guy: Whoa, no! Stop! You’re ruining my appetite!

Butcher: Oh, well I’ll bring it back for you! (holds up some ribs, dripping with barbecue sauce.)

(A gasp is heard from the patrons. The server faints to the floor.)

Female patron: That looks like… meat!

Butcher: Uh-- yeah!

Tofu guy: We don’t eat meat! We’re vegetarians!

Butcher: What does that have to do with not eating meat?

(WordGirl and Huggy land in front of the Butcher.)

WordGirl: It’s all over now, Butcher!

Butcher: Hey, did you know these people here don’t eat meat?

WordGirl: Yes, that’s what vegetarian means! (hands him a menu)

Butcher: (shakes his head) That’s sick!

WordGirl: You’re not going to get away this time, Butcher!

Butcher: Oh, yeah? (extends his palms toward her) SAUSAGE CYCLONE! (A barrage of sausages flies toward her, which she tries to deflect, but it quickly becomes too much for her.)

WordGirl: Can’t -- see -- sausages -- everywhere! Huggy! Help!

(Huggy grabs a cube of tofu from a man’s plate.)

Male Patron: Hey, that’s my tofu!

(Huggy then flings the tofu at the Butcher. It hits him in the face, knocking him down.)

Butcher: Hey-- what happened? (He extends his hands again.) SAUSAGE CYCLONE! (This time, only a couple sausage links come out.) I said… SAUSAGE CYCLONE! (Nothing happens.) What’s in this stuff?

Tofu guy: Delicious soybean curd, coagulants--

WordGirl: Huggy! I think tofu blocks the Butcher’s power!

Butcher: (stands up slowly) Unh---Gnh-- SAUSAGE CYCLO-- (he falls to the floor again after being hit by more tofu)

WordGirl: Hit him again, Huggy! Hit him again! (Huggy grabs a tray of tofu from behind the counter, and starts throwing them at Butcher.) Okay, Huggy, that’s enough. (Huggy keeps throwing them)

Butcher: Okay! I’m down already! All right? Stop! STOP!

Scoops: Wow, now that was impressive!

WordGirl: It was? -- I mean, thank you! Thank you.

Scoops: This is gonna be the most incredible story I’ve ever written!

WordGirl: Really?

Scoops: Yeah! “Daring Barbecue Bandit Foiled by Brave, Quick-thinking, Charming…”

WordGirl: (to herself) He called me charming!

Scoops: “...Ace Reporter Todd Scoops Ming!”

WordGirl: Oh. Umm… right.

Scoops: I’m a hero!

Narrator: So, chalk up another impressive victory for WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face! All thanks to the power of the press! (Huggy acts upset.) ...And the power of tofu! (Huggy stands triumphant.)

(Tofu guy and Female Patron walk up to Huggy with their hands held out.)

Female Patron: You owe me money for the tofu, dude.

Tofu guy: Yeah.

(Huggy chatters, then looks up to the narrator)

Narrator: Sorry buddy, I’d lend you the cash, but I… umm… left my wallet at home! (laughs) I guess you’re on your own! (The Butcher holds up and waves a white flag in front of the camera.) Tune in next time for another exciting episode of… WordGirl! (Huggy drops another tray of tofu onto Butcher.)